Confession 10: I Was Wrong about Love

Confession 10: I Was Wrong about Love

I didn’t realize until recently how wrong I have been about love.

While I knew love was supposed to be unconditional, and there is a whole passage in the Bible about how love is patient, kind, it is not easily angered, nor keeps record of wrongs and many other things…

That isn’t what I really believed in for me.  For someone to love me, I had to earn it, not just once, but continuously. I believed that I wasn’t good enough to accepted for who I am.  No one would love me for me.  After a while, if I wasn’t the perfect friend, then they would either yell at me, ignore me (until I behaved again) or just disappear.

After all, that’s just my life.

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Confession 9b: I am a Highly Sensitive Person

Confession 9b: I am a Highly Sensitive Person

9b?  Yes, there was a 9. It’s now a private post.  I sent it to one of my best friends; Janet, she’s been trying to help me see the real me.  She sent me to the Highly Sensitive Person test again. And told me to take the test again. (God bless her) 

Of the 27 questions I easily answered 20 with a positive.  2 others I could have answered as well.

Since then I’ve read that I could actually answer a few more.  The question about sensitive to caffeine is a no, but other places talk about other medicines, which is very much a yes.  There are medicines that I only take if absolutely necessary and tell someone when I do.

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Confession 8 These Confessions are Surprising to Me

Confession 8 These Confessions are Surprising to Me

Before I started, I decided I would do a week’s worth of confessions. I had a topic for each of the seven posts.

Then I started writing the posts. Well, I confessed more than I realized I would. There are things I hadn’t intended to talk about yet. There were things that I was worried about talking about… And honestly I’m discovering more about myself and more about you…

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Confession 7 I am happy…

Confession 7 I am happy…

Many people know I’m pretty happy,  (even silly with close friends) but  to some this may come as a surprise with these confessions of late.  These confessions are not about saying I am that, they are about discovering me (more about that in Confession 8), because truth is I am happier than I have been in a long time.

WM and I *FINALLY* got our timing right.

I have wonderful friends (to all of you thank you!!).

And I have the courage to build better relationships and step away from those who are out to harm rather than mutually build. 

I have two wonderful English Cockers, a lab rott and a black cat, and they are mostly wonderful.  The cocker puppy is a little bed hog.

Lately I’ve had work.  Thank you Denise Griffitts, Andy Grant, Brian, and some others.  Making money and paying bills is a good thing.

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Confession 6 A Terrible Need for Affection

Confession 6  A Terrible Need for Affection

Confession 6

I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it. ~ Audrey Hepburn

My heart bleeds.

No, I don’t mean literally… but then again…

If I could I would give blood 5 times each and every year.  My vow every year however is to donate 4 times, but I’ve only done that once or twice.  The place I go is open once a week, except when they don’t come.  It also means I have to be healthy, not-tired, and have time on that specific day.  However, with my next donation I will have donated 3 gallons of blood.   Odd facts: That is 24 pints.  The average human has 10 pints of blood in their body.

It takes 30 minutes to an hour to donate, a day or two of feeling a bit tired or weak.  Each donation could save up to 3 lives.  3.  Someone given a bit more time… with family… with friends… to make a difference. 

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Confession 5

Confession 5

Confession 5

The two stories told yesterday were mostly because they are what is going to make hitting publish on this post difficult.  They didn’t accept that the anorexia developed from pain and I needed love to recover… instead they caused me to retreat further into darkness…

There were times when I felt absolutely nothing. And after weeks of such blank, black nothingness I longed to feel something … anything. 

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Confession 4 I am not entirely over anorexia…

Confession 4 I am not entirely over anorexia…

Confession 4 I am not entirely over anorexia…

Ok… if you are a regular reader, you have heard this already.  If you have just read the confessions of the last few days you’ve seen it mentioned.

But it was a very large part of my life.  It is something that has changed my life.  It is why I want to change other people’s lives.   And as much as I would like to say it isn’t… it is part of who I am now, and it’s part of why I write, because I don’t want others to go through what I did.

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