I Choose to See the Good

Yesterday I told you about the day after Thanksgiving.

While it felt good to see him again after a year (to the day), and even kiss him, it felt pretty crummy to keep his touches appropriate. It felt good that he said he’d like to see me again and was planning future dates (long distance) but it felt crummy because it seemed like something he was doing so I’d agree to invite him home. It felt really crummy that he cussed when I left, but felt good that I went home alone.

But calling me repeatedly between 2:22 and 2:58, waking to find that he unfriended me. And when I called at 8 am, it seems all the phone calls were to tell me how we “didn’t see each other” and shouldn’t say that cause his family questioned him, (at 2am?) and he unfriended me to keep me from saying anything else.

Of all the things that happened this phone call bothered me the most. So I emailed a couple girl-friends and asked their opinions of what in the world had happened and was I wrong…

Well, they all agreed he acted like a jerk and I shouldn’t feel bad. And agreed it hurts to be turned into the villain. They gave different reasons for why he did it, which I needed, because I am a woman and I wanted to hear different opinions to decide what my truth was…

But here is the truth…

He didn’t respect me. He didn’t call me up to visit or rekindle the romance. And while that hurt me, when I tried to act in kindness, he decided to hurt me, which just added insult to injury.

Which did hurt.

But I have a choice, dwell in the hurt or to decide that this was another lesson in life. So I looked at him with my heart, and decided he needs love.
He is angry and hurt, he rages against life, between moments of seeming happiness or drinking to avoid life. How can I be mad at him for his anger or hatred?
It just adds more anger or hatred. And my being mad doesn’t change anything. My heart saying it’s ok I can still love you (as a friend) may not change him, but it may plant a seed of love for him.

“What about how he disrespected you?”

Indeed, he did do that. For whatever reason he doesn’t value me as who I am, but he probably doesn’t value himself either. If he did value himself he would not have behaved so inappropriately, because his behavior was actually disrespectful to him as well. It was low, crude and rude. Does his lack of respect mean I should stoop to being disrespectful of him?

No, that is a reflection of me.

And while I view it as a friendship lost, he hadn’t viewed me viewed me as a friend. So losing him as a friend didn’t happen, and I kept my self-respect, even better stood up for it. I still have his family as family and friends, so all I lost was a friendship that was already gone.

Where does this leave me?

I can recall the elements in him that I did / do love. They are far out weighed by other elements, but they don’t change those elements. I learned that he doesn’t respect me, and while some part of him may care for me, it is out-weighed by his thinking with a small head. I stood up for myself, and walked away with my self-respect and while it felt like I lost someone, I didn’t. But I can love him from a distance, wish him well, and hope he finds what he really needs.

So like yesterday, is this my lesson or yours?  Did that person really disrespect you or do they lack self respect so they are acting against it?

 

Love ♥ Learn  ♥ Love More

MJ Schrader