It seems my unguarded post last week, was enjoyed. While it was fueled by ADHD, it was natural and a bit of my weird humor unleashed. So this week, and possibly all future posts on my blog will be less serious than I am elsewhere, because of course it my blog.
Unfortunately I am a bit stressed. My writing muse has been “ill” ever since I got ill the first week of February. Like I said last week, I enter writing contests, but not what I need for 365 Online Tips nor the book that was edging closer to being finished.
Could you be afraid of finishing your book?
Of course, but this seems a bit more. This is a fear of failure. Now, before you tell me everyone is afraid of failure, or what if I succeed wildly beyond my dreams… I am a dreamer. I dream big. I dreamed of an overloaded WordPress class, and no one showed up. I dreamed of selling tons of WP ebooks, and only sold a few.
So I am afraid.
Afraid of failing again. 🙁
Everyone fails, you say. But I have failed again and again and again. I am ready for success. This is my BIG dream to write books, to be a multi-time best selling author. But right now my big goal is to be able to buy things once again. I am tired of believing “this will work” and it fails. I feel like a failure.
I love washing my car.
I love black as pitch tires.
I love the workout while washing my car.
It dawned on me yesterday, how much I truly miss the simple act of washing my car.
Just don’t tell the missing friend. She sent multiple hate texts this week, including how she met my ex-husband, his wife and daughter (knowing I miscarried ours and how I wanted children). All responses result in many more mean texts. So for every text that comes in, I will tell 2 people how wonderful they are. They become happy, which makes me happy. WIN!
But what about the other failure?
I need some success. Like the above where I counter the mean act with kindness, I need to counter these past failures with successes, but I need success now, not a slow one. So I am aiming for creating websites for dog breeders and trainers, or horses or cats.
My feelings of failure currently is the inability to buy things I need and there is something I want and I have 3 months to get ready for it. While I can and will barter it has expenses. It’s something I will share later. That and I need money / success now. So I envision loads of people sending dog trainers/ breeders to me who need websites.
Yes, I live in my own world but they know me here. 😛
Hope you are having a rocking week 🙂
Live, Laugh, Love,
MJ Schrader
PS. If you want to leave a note of encouragement, I’d sure appreciate it.
And if you are feeling like a failure, know this, you are a rockstar. Even on days you doubt it, you are here for a reason, you are a wonderful creation and you make the world a better place. When someone hurts you, retaliate in love, to that person or others. You deserve love, so expect it.
