D*MNED IF YOU DO
This has been on my mind a lot lately. Unfortunately, business success is a slow going process, which I understand. Yet, things have been happening that make life even harder, a lot of d*mned-if-you-do,-d*mned-if-you-don’t. In the summer I got rid of a lot of things in my house that had negative influences. Now I am looking at people.
Pair of family members got into a discussion in my car saying that a divorced woman commits adultery by marrying again. This and other discussions were “because they were worried I didn’t believe in God.” Ironically because of these discussions I did before, and now I am not certain.
Meanwhile an ex-friend from Un5 told me no man would go out with me without sex. I want a man to want ALL OF ME, brains, laughing, dancing, studying, silly, pet owning, coffee loving me. Furthering the above mentioned d*mned cycle, if I stay in on Friday night, someone will ask “why aren’t you out?” Then I am told if you want to find someone “you need to learn to live alone.” I haven’t been on a date in over a year.
IT GETS MESSY
So between problems with family and friends trying to decide if I want to date again, if so how to meet good men, and watching a friend go through a divorce. Then business related trying to get a business started. Then financial related trying to decide what to do about an income, paying bills, having emergency expenses, and so much… and actually truth is I have been fighting depression since I got laid off in April, which grew when I quit in July, but I don’t need another job where I am treated like I am stupid (even told that by a manager).
Add in this past week I learned a VERY PAINFUL BUSINESS LESSON from “a friend” suddenly I was hurting so bad, I was worried I’d do something incredibly stupid that would get me hurt. Stress makes me turn fearless, combine a high pain tolerance & I do chores I shouldn’t, like clean gutters standing on the on the TOP step of a shaking ladder.
But I made a comment about being incredibly hurt on Twitter and I wished I could talk to someone. Within minutes Martha was on the phone asking me what she could do. The next day, Maggie, Karen and Trapper had contacted me. I had pulled out of a forum and within days the founder talked to me. So the painful lesson resulted in me learning the difference between friends and those “who want to be your friend.”
Oddly earlier in the week someone asked me how do you define family. Being ever curious, I looked up the actual definition, expecting blood relations. There are several definitions, household, common ancestry, scientific terms, and then: people who share a common background and goal. My family is rather small, shrunk further by discord, and I have always wanted to be part of a big family.
So rather than continue claiming “blood” family, I will claim those who share a common goal. The first being Love.
Which means a very few “blood” relations, plus a whole family who are not blood related to me, but they are family to me, and I them (Stella, April et.al. Love you!) My family consists of someone I have loved (non-romantic) since we were singing “Froggy went a Courting” (Prince love you!) Then there is Vicki in New Mexico. And many people I have met in the past 2 years that now are family (Maggie, Christy, Martha, Karen, Twenty, Carol and more)
So define your family and friends by your heart. Ignore the words in dictionary. Don’t ignore your gut when it says don’t be friends with M even if friends say trust them. Follow your heart. ♥
So what is your definition of friends? Of family?
Does it really matter what the dictionary says or should they be defined by your heart?