See, last week I was really supposed to start working on outrageous requests. Today is technically not the 7th… but I am trying to catch up on posts and it is easier to make certain they are in the correct date order. I hate to ask outrageous requests… I actually hate to make requests… I’ve been disappointed. I also don’t want to make trouble for anyone. I don’t want to be indebted to someone… and so I am in debt….
Ironic…
(exact opposite of intended) So worried about being in debt with people I know that I am in debt to strangers (the bank). How does that even make sense?
And still I hate to ask.
What if you say no? Not that rejection surprises me. No, unfortunately it’s more of a “Why ask when most likely you’ll say no? Why ask when I will be met with another disappointment? Why ask when most likely you’ll say, “I’d love to …. but…”
What if you get mad?
What if I can’t return the favor?
What if …
What if …
You have some of those same fears as well, right? Perhaps yours are a bit different, maybe you fear rejection. Maybe you think people will think less of you. Maybe you think people will reject you, or view you differently. The problem is, that we are not looking at this appropriately…
If you fall off a horse, you get back on and try again. You fall off, you get back up. You do this with yoga and other exercise. You go from not being very good at it, and not having much success, to getting better and getting more success.
Asking people for help regularly means we are more likely to encounter yes. We are more likely to find people who are willing to help. If we ask for help very seldom, then why does it surprise us when we hear no?
What if they view me poorly? Or get mad? Or hate me? Then the question should be, is this person really my friend? If you are there for them, and when you ask for help they aren’t, chances are good this person isn’t really your friend.
What if I can’t return the favor? Who are we to judge what “fair” or “returning the favor” is? I’m great at WordPress. I’ve had friends spend hours trying to get something to work, and I can fix it in 10 minutes. To me this is “nothing” to them, this is huge. We have all thought something was huge when it was minor to someone else. So who are we to judge?
Stop being afraid to ask.
Get over yourself.
Ask.
With that…
Could you please comment on this post?
Could you also add your idea for an outrageous request on Wil Wheaton meets the Ultimate Blog Challenge?
Please read the next posts… they will each be asking for something.
MJ Schrader
If you don’t ask – you wont get!
Simple Equation. Misunderstood by many and has made a smashing success out of a few.
Help is something 99% want to do – so why not ask for it!?
Fear stems from our upbringing, but we can unlearn it with patience and persistence.
Great article MJ 🙂
What if asking is easy and results in endings you could never have pieced together in your imagination? What if you ask and everyone simply says “Yes, MJ, I’d love to.” What if you ask and feel relief and you ask again and feel relief and ask again and it gets easier each time? What if asking is the right thing to do?
What if you ask yourself those questions?!
Hugs.
Tam I Am
http://www.choosebigchange.com
Commenting. You know which Big Hairy Goal I want you to tackle. (hint hint)
So I will start the commenting to get the ball rolling, and hopefully make you smile. 🙂
Go get ’em, girl!
N
Nicole Dean recently posted…How to Get More Amazon Book Reviews
Yes 🙂 I’m working that way. @Nicole. I really need to step up my game to get there by Christmas. 🙂
In sales, we are taught that statistically a certain percentage of people we approach with our offer will accept. So we focus on getting as many no responses, knowing that eventually somebody will say yes. I have found in my lifetime that it’s a good way of getting a lot more of what we want. If we don’t ask, they can’t say yes.
The other thing about asking that I feel is important is that somebody always knows and they can’t kick you in the teeth with an ice skate for asking. I like the poster that says, “ASK! Someone knows!”
As an aside, tonight I watched a rerun of an episode of the Big Bang Theory on which Wil Wheaton had a guest appearance, and the first thing that popped into my head was your request for an autographed book from him. I sincerely hope that request becomes a reality.
Janelle,
I don’t know how I’ll get that autographed book and time is fast running out… (of the scheduled time), but I will get it.
And you are absolutely right, “If we don’t ask, they can’t say yes.” and I’m not giving anyone that opportunity.
Big HUGS!!!
MJ Schrader recently posted…Dr StrangeCat or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Needles
Interesting to hear from someone who is so concerned about getting a NO response that they don’t ask. I help people who say yes to everything get to their NO. And, the concerns you raise about what people will think when you ask are pretty much the same concerns they deal with. Very Interesting. Thank You for the insight and look forward to your future requests! Arla
Arla DeField – SayingNoWithoutFeelingGuilty.com recently posted…Getting to know NO
Arla,
hahaha, perhaps that’s my problem, I used to say yes to everyone and agree to help people no matter what it took from me. It wore me down, and spent some time removed from quite a bit of life. Starting again getting in touch with people.
Thank you so much 🙂
MJ Schrader recently posted…Dr StrangeCat or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Needles
Yes, you have to have ask. Of course, you do. As long as you get into the mindset that it’s OK for someone to say “No” then why not? I suppose it would get a bit tiresome if you keep asking the same people for favors over and over and you never do anything in return, ever. A bit of give and take is good.
On the personal front, I’ve been writing a post today about getting your guy to be more romantic and one of the 7 ways is to ask him! I know it works on mine LOL
Ana recently posted…How To Get Your Guy To Be More Romantic
Ana,
I’m quite generous, giving and giving, including babysitting a friend’s kids when I’m way too tired. But quite often when I ask for something I hear no.
When I was dating, I’d even get told “No” from my guy on bringing me medicine from the store, nevermind it was medicine that I just bought him, for the cold he had and now I have.
MJ
I subscribe to the Abraham-Hicks (book title) theory . . . “ASK and it is GIVEN’ . . .
When I ask from an authentic heart space and then follow through with heart-inspired actions, thoughts and emotions, the Universe, by Divine Law, HAS TO respond for my Highest Good. The outward appearance may LOOK LIKE “no” for a time, but then I fall back on Carl Sagan’s statement . . . . “Absence of evidence, is NOT evidence of Absence!”
You GO MJ! Ask away Dear One!!!
Rainbow Blessings!
Stephanie Rainbow Bell recently posted…MORGANA RAE TALKS ABOUT FINANCIAL ALCHEMY
MJ,
Ask with the expectation that you ARE SO TOTALLY worth it. And if they are a positive choice to have in your life, they will so totally see that and do their best to help you out.
(Cold medicine man – good riddance! The final straw that caused me to leave the wasband, was when he took our only car to spend the holidays with his family ( 1 week and 1200 miles north) and left me alone with pneumonia in a town that we’d only lived in for 4 months.)
And leave aside the what ifs -“what If they can’t afford it”, “what if they don’t have time for it”, “What if I can’t pay it back…” You are not in charge of the well being of the other adult, so don’t try to take their responsibility and priority setting power away from them. Nor are you the karmic bookkeeper, nor does your abundance harm the abundance of someone else…
You are a necessary and important part of divine intelligence and you are worthy of the best that love and life have to offer.
Ask away my dear!