The title has less to do with this post than the hour, and the sleep that is alluding me.  It’s fast approaching midnight.  Asleep I should be, yet here I am with pen and pad writing the post you read here.  My mind races with thoughts.

Why do the sideline characters in Stephanie Meyers’ books have greater depth than Bella and Edward? Or is my view of romance so jaded that I know nothing of it.

“Romance is not the same for everyone” a friend tells me. “Sometimes they don’t give gifts but they provide, or take care of things, like gassing your car and getting the oil changed.”

This is all foreign to me. One husband, three boyfriends and only one filled up my car, because we were traveling in it. The ex-boyfriend made 2 repairs to my house so I would reduce the amount he owed me. The new boyfriend is far away and works all the time, so I seldom hear from him. While people lecture me about not understanding romance, they don’t know that I wonder if anyone has ever been in love with me. I have bent, caved, and wondered why they typically negate where I like to eat, or the trip where I want to go and barely tolerate or ignore my dog.   A couple should both work on the relationship, not one person working and giving. That’s not love is it? The thing in common is me.  Am I not lovable?

Yet here I feel loved. Luna shuffles in her bed beside me. I am alone in bed. Come 4 am, she’ll “ask up.” The bed will have a minor vibration as both cats will be on the far side at that time.  They love me as I am. I bend to their needs, they bend to mine. The quick cuddle I demand will be grudgingly accepted, but is accepted, even expected like a 10 year old that must endure his parents but is secretly happy. And happy am I.

My muse was gone for a month. I wish I knew my ear infection was gone, yet there is still pain. (Sadly it woke me up hours after writing this.) Is this sinus pressure from the yellow snow of pollen that covers all? Or is my ear infection still here after 10 days of super strong antibiotics?

I wish I knew.

I wish I knew if that guy really cares about me…

But I don’t know.

That’s life. We never know. What you think you know may prove vastly inaccurate tomorrow. Someone you thought a lifelong friend may walk away when you need her. People you thought were just acquaintances may step in to help. Life is full of surprises.

And as I write surprises I get a call from a WordPress client, she wants to be put on the monthly plan. Looks like I have my first monthly client! Awesome!


There are additional notes on my pad, but those can wait for another day.  It seems I need to work, and work I must.  There are property taxes to pay, tires to get and something to get in June.


Live, Love, Love some more,

MJ Schrader