So, this is what my brain is like on ADHD. This will be mostly unedited other than I do like to spell correctly. Please read this… first http://theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling

This was my response when Darcy Vail posted it. It’s definitely weird that I have to ride a manatee to school. But he can hold his liquor better than the panda bear. We both oddly posted the link today… so yes I will be editing any grievous grammatical errors.

Why? Because I will be a multi-time best selling author. If I survive.

See today I am in full ADHD, I have been writing about espresso machines and X-men statues and more espresso machines. Espresso machines produce caffeine which is supposed to “wake” people up, however for me when I reach that kind of level, it causes arrhythmia. To me, who has given up sodas, most flavored beverages, coffee has become my thing. I can’t say it’s an addiction because I go without it at least twice a week.

But today I realized that an americano is roughly like a coffee, and an espresso machine can make cappuccino, which I like. It can make other drinks as well, but I don’t know if I like them. See I am researching espresso machines for a review site. They wanted 10 reviews, which has meant a lot of learning about the machines. Note A Lot. 1) Space between A and Lot. 2) I knew espresso machines were at coffee shops.

Athletic and musical talents are not mine… instead I am the person who could only play dodgeball. This was due to vast experience at PE with a ball coming rapidly at my head with the words “DODGE THIS!! YOU SUCK AT (insert game with a ball)” being screamed. Dodging was easier because if I attempted to catch said ball I’d somehow hit myself with it.

But I am competitive.

Yes, I can deny it. “Yes, that’s so cool you just made 50 baskets in a row! And I made one, which was a freak deal of how the ball bounced off that car way over there.” While secretly inside I am screaming I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU! Which I don’t really, but you are no longer on my Christmas list.

Because I want to be able to play sports. I can write. So I choose to fill up my life with random writing contests.

• You want 200 articles? Ok.
• You want 8 lens in 8 weeks and I joined 4 weeks in? Ok!
• You want 10 reviews on a mysterious machine that makes concentrated (espresso) liquid of the gods? OKAY!
• You want me to write 100 words on every Zazzle design?  OK!
• Look another blog contest! OKAY!

Because the 200 articles, 8 lenses, 10 reviews, and my personal writing are not enough writing obviously.

See, apparently in addition to being quite horrible at sports and music, I rather suck at getting good jobs and dating. Although Michael Buble just told me “I haven’t met you yet” but considering he’s dating a model I think I am out of luck. He’s actually the 2nd Canadian that has caused me heartbreak, the other one is Matthew Perry. 🙁

The Law of Attraction peeps tell me to believe. Visualize something and hold it firm and it will become reality. BULL CACA

Ok, if you have read this blog, you know I have wanted to be a writer since I was 5. The dream got squished. (picturing bug smooshed out like an ink blot) Yet, there was another dream, that was equally as vivid. It involves loads of numbers… so let’s do this.

At college I was going to meet a nice, sweet, smart, guy. After we graduated we’d get married, around 23. We’d each find jobs we loved. I’d work my job for 30 years because it would be a job I loved and made me feel fulfilled and happy, although I would have time off to have some children. 3 children, it’d be like a sandwich, 2 girls with a boy in between or vice versa. They should be between the ages of 13 and 4. We’d live in a 4 bedroom house on a one acre property with trees and a beautiful goldfish pond. We’d have 2 cars, 1 truck. 2 dogs 1 cat. We would happily celebrate anniversaries together and have wonderful family vacations.

This was the way things were supposed to be. I knew it. I believed it.

Jobs were far from fulfilling. The one job that was, had the problem all of them did. Bosses that yelled, screamed and called me evil wicked names. The marriage was a bust. Dating? Well, my boyfriend is 700 miles away and we see each other once every 4 months. WHOO HOO!! Romantic!

Michael Buble music is incredibly romantic. And it kills me that money is tight, and that I can’t afford his MP3 albums but then the songs I love seem to be scattered across various ones which makes me unhappy.

So I find another contest.

This has become my solution to everything. I don’t know how I am going to pay this bill. OH, I know! Since there are no jobs available I’ll get in another writing contest. Now you are saying no jobs? Well, okay nursing and trucking. Both require training. I have 2 dogs and 2 cats. The outside dog is a male with 70 pounds of “mark/pee on everything.” Yes, I do not want them in a truck with me, and I don’t want to leave them. The nursing? My solution to everything would be to vomit on it.

I suck at jobs. OO CONTEST!

Why contests? I figure I can write until the world drowns in my writing. Since my writing is everywhere people will have no choice but to use it as currency. Then I can pay bills and I can get out of this house into that 4 bedroom house on 1 acre and a goldfish pond. Except now that will be a GREEN LOW ENERGY 2 bedroom, guest suite, office, and theater room, 3 bath on 1 acre with 2 English Cocker Spaniels and 2 cats and a goldfish pond.

All I need to do … IS ENTER ANOTHER CONTEST!!

Or say the word. See I was never going to get a divorce. Never going to own a cell phone. Never going to stay in this house for 7 years. So I will NEVER MAKE $500 MILLION A YEAR.

So there.

I didn’t plan to write this much… but it’s great prep for the next contest.

Live, Love, RANDOM!

MJ