Self Respect Clarity

Posted by MJ on Nov 30, 2011 in Inner Rockstar | 0 comments

In order to make people happy I have compromised. I have agreed with things because it would make someone else happy or at least not mad. Even if this meant I didn’t enjoy it, I could tolerate it because the other person was more important than me.

The problem is that often they did not become happy because of my sacrifice. So this was a pointless sacrifice to martyr myself. That wasn’t my intent, but that allowed people to bulldoze over me, and disregard my feelings and view… or did it?

What I killed was my self-respect, because “we should love our neighbors as ourselves” cause the Bible says to. But I didn’t love myself, I did it to make others love me and so they didn’t, and I didn’t really love them.

Think about that wording… “as ourselves” so if you treat yourself bad, and hate yourself what about those poor neighbors. You can’t love them any better than yourself so stop trying to martyr yourself…

It Was An Awesome Weekend

Posted by MJ on Nov 18, 2011 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

It was an awesome weekend.

5 words. It seems like so little, yet they mean so much. I don’t care if is true or not. Part of me is the cynic, the doubter, the woman who is not used to hearing such.

He is referring to a weekend long ago, a weekend that showed me what a relationship could be like.

A relationship where a man treated me like I am beautiful, wonderful, smart and cool. It was cool that I was intelligent, he saw me for my whole self. He treated me like every bit of who I am is beautiful This is the type relationship I should expect… that is if I dated.

The day after Thanksgiving  it will have been a year since I went on a date. Although date is a very loose word, it was a few days spent with a long distance relationship that was dying or already dead.

I thought about asking someone out once I kicked the sinus infection. (kinda hard to look cute when your nose is stuffed completely up) But see we are friends, and that is more important to me than dating him…

Why Did I Foster Puppies?

Posted by MJ on Oct 30, 2011 in Rockstar | 0 comments

There are two puppies sleeping in the other room. They are sweet, adorable and not mine. No, I didn’t kidnap puppies. The breeder is giving them varied experiences by allowing me to raise them for a couple of weeks.  I mentioned them in The Changes of Marky Mark Wahlberg but wanted to explain more

The couple of weeks is their ages 6 weeks up to 12 weeks … 2 litters. 2 puppies then 5 puppies. A lot of puppy sitting and care-taking…

The question I got before people saw their pictures is why. And then how can you let them go and why…

Why?

Well, this is not going to be a short answer. I have been thinking I need some routine shake ups recently. My routine is rather uh… routine, and I have gotten lazy in my scheduling. I know I can work faster, but why should I?

See the truth is, I don’t have much of a life offline. In my past I made friends with some people who weren’t very nice. Let me rephrase, I thought they were my friends but they were using me and once I broke free of that, they threatened… my dog, my house, my parents, stalked me, egged my car, and assorted other things. They never made real threats more of letting me know “things can happen.”

There are other people here, classmates (love you guys) but I am the one who is without children and single more often than not . They have kids parties and talk about children, and what they are going to do with their significant other.  Let’s face it, after this much time I am the confirmed bachelorette, except I don’t have the wild parties or dating that the confirmed bachelor does.

The Changes of Marky Mark Wahlberg

Posted by MJ on Oct 22, 2011 in My Truth | 0 comments

The other day, I was going to tell you about Marky Mark Walberg. When my good friend visited, we watched Four Brothers with Mark Walberg. Way back in the 1990s you probably remember a young rapper named Marky Mark.

That was not his name. Yet that was the name he went by. He pushed himself as a rapper, and was known for that world. After a while he made a slight change and became known as a Calvin Klein model. Wearing his pushed down pants we saw the tops of his boxers that sported that CK label.

Later he became Mark Wahlberg the actor.

The actor completely reinvented himself from the rapper of old, thus the new name. Other rappers have reinvented themselves as actors as well, some have shed names, some merely shed that old identity. People reinvent themselves as well, yet so often we hold them to the same measuring stick that was used before. This is total inaccurate and unfair for them and for us as well.

See they have changed, and we choose to see the old person, we are denying them the ability to show us their full colors. For years I was both shy and extremely introverted. It seemed risky and not worthwhile to me to let others inside, for they would seek out ways to hurt me and I felt weak.

12 Current Things about Me

Posted by MJ on Oct 17, 2011 in My Truth | 4 comments

Sadly I’ve been upset the past week or so, things have gotten to where they were going really cool, I was really excited about changes in life.  I was so excited that I forgot the blog post to share was going to cover Marky Mark Walberg… and how his name changed and how your life changes and how we go through all this stuff, and I forgot.

Then another article was going to cover just do it anyway, at which point I got slapped in the face with fish …  –>

So here are some things that are on my mind, and maybe by dumping these off my shoulders it will cheer me up and maybe you can understand this corner of Loco and Logical.

Courage for Change

Posted by MJ on Oct 9, 2011 in Life | 0 comments

Change is not something easy to do. Yet, how else can we grow?

So here I sit, looking at some changes in my life.  These changes are temporary, permanent, now, soon, and sometime in the future.  These are based on some things that happened this week.  Monday writing, Wednesday a visit by dear friend who is special to me, and Thursday someone I have known for a long time who is becoming a friend.

Temporary

If you there is a deadline for these changes to end, why not embrace them for the sake of seeing what will happen.  Perhaps the change will be hard.  Perhaps it will be easy.  Perhaps it will mean a time of utter chaos.  Yet there is an end, and then your life goes back…

Too often we say no.  It’s hard work.  I don’t care that it is short term… it’s hard.

I said yes to a temporary change.  It means that I must work harder than ever during work hours and learn to ‘take time away.’  It means massive changes at my house and massive changes to my schedule, meaning going to bed earlier, getting up earlier.  But I have been working to improve the going to bed at a reasonable time anyway!

Permanent

Permanent changes may be bad or good.  A permanent change however is permanent thus the name.  Thus no matter what it is, good needs to be found within the experience. You are going to need to live with it, so make it good.

Other times you need to make a “permanent change” even a small one just to start moving towards your dream.  This means you might do something like I did.  Create a book, but not the “dream book” this means it makes the adventure easy.

The dream of becoming a published author is close to becoming true.  I don’t know if I should do a push to get this book in front of as many people as possible or to just release it and let it fly.  Sounds strange, yet the goal here was to get published.  Basically put it in my world.  Yet it is not just my world, it is Kelly’s as well.  As she is my writing partner and I want her success, perhaps I should push it for her.

Now, Soon and Sometime

Some changes happen

The Invisible Pain

Posted by MJ on Sep 26, 2011 in My Truth | 2 comments

I was hoping the doctor fixed my ear infection in the spring.  I had a sneaky suspicion that the Eustachian Tube was still blocked, but I wasn’t certain.  Now as the weather cools down I know it is.  It’s like someone hits me upside the head with a brick then puts their hand on my ear and neck on that side and holds them down.  I feel the pain all the way beneath my ear, down the side of my neck and I’d say the pain stops there.  Yesterday I noticed the muscles on that side of my shoulder are so knotted that it’s almost as big as a fist….

Probably need someone to rub that out.  Except there is no one who will, unless I pay a masseuse.  ”Hey, you should go to the doctor about your ear.”

The ear and the masseuse require money.  There are other things that are higher priority that require money.  ”But you’re in pain.”

Yup, but it will change.  And Doctors well, they didn’t fix it before.  They don’t believe in natural methods and I do.

Besides what is pain?

When I was younger I had a weird fear of being invisible.  Perhaps because oddly enough, I was.