A bit scared today, realizing I actually have a book nearing completion. Since I was 5 years old, I have dreamed of being an author; yet, always there were obstacles in the way. My English teachers painted my writing papers in red, criticizing my thoughts. Math is your thing they insisted.
Me being me, caved, I like to eat, have lights, air and heat. So I went to work, far away from my passion. Yet in a way protecting myself, for fear it would break my heart if I did not get published.
But times have changed, there are so many ways to get published now, without using big publishing houses who reject far more than they accept. My hesitation in the past few years has been less the rejection but more the question of what do I write and will it even be noticed.
Then in July I went to Unseminar 5, thank you again Pat O’Bryan. My world was opened up to new people with vision, and they stirred my passion for writing. Now they and others twitter with me regularly. While they may think their 140 characters do not mean much… oh, they do. I assure you they do. Alissa, Carol, CCGal, Kim, Lynette, Spirit, 20 and so many more.
Yet ever growing was the knowledge that I would need to write a story from my past that is more than a little unpleasant for me to tell. And the realization this story must be told with delicacy and grace. Only four people have known this before recently that I was emotionally abused, to the point it took years to recover from and caused physical damage.
While I decided in September to finally write my story, that past was too hard to write. Combined with the wrong coach, who drove me back into the pain, I nearly walked away from it all. Lucky me, my new coach asked me to write another book first. Each page makes the next book easier.
And as I talk to my coach, my accountability partner, to others and hear their “really? That is a book people need.” I remember the grander point of writing. It’s not to be on the New York best seller list, or sell a million copies. While I certainly would not argue, the reason to write is to make a difference. If my book helps just a dozen people, how many people will their lives touch? How many lives will be touched now and in the future from a few words? Then does it matter how many books sell?