As the last relationship ended, I realized it was time to take a hard look at what mistakes were being made in my relationships. Life is about improvement, and analyzing your past and repeated mistakes can help you grow and improve your future. Since my goal involves a serious long term relationship unfortunately it means digging into my past and my behaviors.

But let’s back up…

There was something in May. A very very nice man I met at a seminar. Being the “good girl” and not feeling free, I pushed him away a bit the 2nd day of the seminar. (If you read this, I’m sorry.) A month before, I had broken up with the man who said he didn’t love me, yet he still wanted us to ‘have fun’. Boy am I naïve and didn’t get his meaning but knew I wanted more so I broke up again days after the seminar and 2 days before my birthday… great birthday present to myself.

Yet there is the first problem I have with relationships. I know I want something lasting. Mom’s parents were together til death. My parents are still together. My brother and his wife are together 11 years later. Yet I don’t say that to the guys I date, whom are looking for someone for right now….

A line they often repeat as their fear has nothing to do with me wanting long term but they are worried because I have a college degree and they didn’t have one. I argued the degree didn’t matter, they said it would come between us, and we were both right. The problem was they stopped learning, they learn what they must, where as I grew up with 6 floor to ceiling bookcases in the living room, and one in my own room. The day to stop learning is the day you stop living (to me)… and not part of their ideals. They weren’t even readers….

I give, they take.

My heart is generous, which worked in their favor.They got gifts. They got shoulders massaged. Two gave gifts. One gave exactly what I said I didn’t want. (Including what I was allergic to) The last always promised gifts but fell through. I deserve gifts, flowers and massages. A relationship should involve giving, sharing by both parties. A relationship also requires mutual love, not one sided.

Similar interests are important as well. While I thought differences were a good thing, it is the similarities that kept my family together. The education wasn’t the only thing. I eat healthy foods, not all the time but most, while they seldom did. They ignored my dog, and my cats. These are like my children to me. They didn’t want to watch the movies I enjoy.  There were other things… like refusing to meet my family. All these things yet, I did not step up and speak up sooner.

I don’t know if I need to speak up immediately and say my goal and the above. Perhaps I should bring forward various things as necessary. Chances are I need to say I want a lasting relationship, then the rest as it comes forward….

Well, plus side I came up with my answers. I know what mistakes I made, but now how to explain it to a nice guy?


Live, Laugh, Love,

MJ Schrader

PS. Grandaddy died Monday, 1 year after Granny.  64.5 years together.  Mom and Dad will be married 43 years in Sept.  Ethan and Jan 12 years in Dec….  and there is probably another post about Grandaddy later….