8 Do Not Threaten Me ~ 30 Days of Truth
30 Days of Truth Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like [crap]. Please read the PS for when the next post is.
Unfortunately we all have someone who did this. What hurts most is when it is someone who claims they care about you or want the best for you, yet every time you turn your back they dish out (crap). Sometimes they dish it without you turning your back.
I could talk about the PE teacher who bullied me. Perhaps my ex-husband, course he didn’t actually treat me like crap. He treated me wonderful in front of his friends and ignored me alone. It was an emotional see-saw that I couldn’t handle anymore.
No, the answer is easy. The person who threatened to sue me repeatedly. Yet, I could have sued that person for far more …
Web of Lies
Sexual Harassment: Goodness, I was naive… (actually still am quite a bit). We worked together before my divorce; after, we agreed to become business partners. Some of our clients hit on me, it felt weird. She really wanted me to go out with some of them. They were combinations of old, not my type, weird, drunks, smokers, possible drug users, dirty, profane etc… at the time I wondered if she did not know my tastes. On the rare occasion I would go out, they would know something very personal, that made me uncomfortable. In retrospect, she was actually trying to hire me out for “other services.”
Failure to comply with contractual terms: To become a partner, I paid $$, in less than 18 months I went from having a nice savings to being over my head in debt. She promised roughly $30K between pay and bonuses after the first season, the second was to be more. False. She took off work when she wanted. Complained when I asked for time off, so I only took off once*. She took off for nail or hair appointments, sometimes for her, sometimes for her daughters.
Threat: She repeatedly reminded me “your dog is home alone while you are at work… what if something happens?” Another was “You KNOW, I know where your parents live.” Unfortunately I was not certain how to report these since she didn’t actually threaten my dog or my parents, it was implied. She had already beat up a lady in a parking lot, and tried to run over her someone, I didn’t know what to do.
Fraud: She said there was no money to pay me, yet she paid her home bills out of the business account, which she hid. When I confronted her, or said I was leaving she “reminded me” about my dog and my parents. “Hate for something to happen.”
Slander and Falsification of numbers: Clients accused me of making mistakes she miraculously was able to fix in minutes. Then in a frantic rush one day, I watched her fix problems on a co-worker’s work… she gave the wrong numbers so she could be the hero.
Fraudulent Impersonation: One client screamed and berated me for not working on his papers, problem is I was in another state (once*) when he dropped them off and this was my second day back. He yelled that was impossible as he talked to me that day. When asked about that, I “had told him my name on the phone that day” suddenly the partner and 2 co-workers standing outside my door scattered…
This was the final straw. I quit. I hid in my house, afraid to leave except with the dog. I seldom went anywhere. Plus since I was now in debt I had no money to go anywhere.
Then she proceeded to call repeatedly threatening to sue “libel” for talking about her around town. Funny thing is 1) that’s called slander 2) I didn’t talk about her around town, because I didn’t go out. 3) One call, she accused me of talking at a club I only went to with her.
If she should see this, she might want to threaten me again, but she will not win. Years ago I was a scared little rabbit, that marriage ruined my esteem. Now, I am bigger, stronger, and happier than she is. This is not to say I am physically, but I am emotionally, my life is about making things better for others. This is why I live my life out loud on this blog….
Living, Laughing Loving,
MJ Schrader
PS. Day 9 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted will be December 1st. There will be a personal post tomorrow. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For her, if you threaten me again: I am 10 years older and wiser. Your name was not mentioned, my readers don’t know you. You would need to point out this post for people to know it’s you, in which you are saying this is correct. You still owe me money. I have multiple blogs, and can easily record your threat and post it to MANY websites. If you don’t believe me, do a Google search of MJ Schrader which results in THOUSANDS of links and most of them are me. I know people around the world INCLUDING several lawyers within an hour who would LOVE to take you to court.
Read MoreBullying, Friends, and oh yea I have ADHD
This is a weird post for my personal blog, yet it’s one that has been building in my heart for weeks.
I woke this morning to the sound of pouring rain. Since my daily walk was delayed I reached for my Blackberry, intending to play BrickBreaker, and find myself in Facebook.
There I see a link by my friend Prince. Another gay teenager dead this time from a town hall meeting. One of the ladies in that meeting announces she is biracial, and was born that way then argues gays are recruited into the lifestyle.
In first grade is when I met Prince. But that very first memory of Prince is… he has a cool pinky. We compared hands. We sat in music class and sang ♪♫ Froggy went a Courtin’ and he did ride,♫ uh huh…♪ Froggy went a courtin’ and he did ride ♪♫. I think the world of Prince and would do anything for him.
The recent news is so heartbreaking to me. Because I worry about Prince, I worry about other friends as well. Of course I have also been going through quite a bit emotionally. Trying to accept who I am in a world that does not like people who don’t fit the mold (thus the recent suicides. I have worked so hard to fit the mold that I lost myself. Right now I am finding more and more people who never could quite fit that mold.
I was bullied. I didn’t tell my parents. I learned to hide behind books. I learned to concentrate on books to turn off the outside world.
My first memory of being bullied was that sometimes PE would get overwhelming. Kids played hard with me, on the border of fighting, they tore my clothes more than once. While I learned to play rough, that was not always what I wanted. Hiding one day, I heard a girl run up to the PE teacher, “they’re picking on me.” For a brief moment, I wasn’t alone. Then Ms Jeter said “tell them to pick on MJ.” More classes followed and a long bus ride gave me time to read enough to forget. Yet, I came to hate PE. In later years this was the class that had kids try to hit me with balls and the teachers tell me it was an accident, even as the girls laughed and pointed.
As a smart but social awkward child, kids would be friends to get notes or help with tests then make fun of me. There were times girls would tell me this popular boy or that one liked me then as I tried to talk to said boy, the girls would start laughing. I went on one date in school. Then married the first guy who paid me any attention.
But there’s an advantage to hiding in the pages of books, I forgot about things, on a outer level. To the point I was shocked years later. In looking for a major I tried a semester of elementary ed, and was assigned a teacher at my old elementary. Walking back to my class after dropping the kids off for lunch, I overheard the PE teacher telling my teacher, “She’s always been a weird quiet child, she’ll never make a good teacher.”
Here’s the deal. I am dyslexic. My brain does not understand right from left all the time. It means sports are hard for me. This is the way I was born. My parents worked with me early, so it only showed for a few years, then I read so much it covered. My parents are both dyslexic, as is my brother. Last week I realized I have ADHD as an introvert, it shows more as being socially awkward. Plus side it means I forgot about things as a kid, negative side, it builds up as emotional baggage.
This is the way I was born. Blue eyes, very 
white, dyslexic, introvert. I have friends who were born, black, brown and white. My friends were born extroverted and introverted. My friends were born straight and gay. This is who they are. These are things from birth, these are not choices.
We can choose our careers, we can choose our religions, we can choose our friends. But who we are is who we are. Our souls and bodies were born a certain way. Gay, straight, dark, light, introvert, extrovert. But we all have hearts and these can be extremely tough when they need to be, but life is hard enough without abuse.
We need to learn to love each other and accept differences make us who we are. Abuse is not just physical, it’s mental and emotional. Stop abuse. Stop bullying. Teach your children to report it, whether they are bullied or see someone bullied. Adults; BE THE ADULT, step in and stop it.
To those who think “if you are bullied, do x, y, or z” BULL SH*T. No, be an adult and STEP IN. A child who “uses their words” will only get bullied more. A child who “loves the bully” will likely find more bullies “to love.” A child who “turns the other cheek” finds years later all that burying comes up in dramatic and sometimes scary ways.
This cycle of bullying is continued with adults. Why am I done with jobs? Because of bullies. To look out my living room window and see my boss drive by. To hear them say “your dog is home alone when you’re here.” To have them SCREAM at me on the main floor. To have bosses lecture me about being stupid, and being set up to fail, that is bullying.
Here’s the bottom line. Stop hating. Start loving.
Again start loving.
For the religious. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you hate you, you can’t love your neighbor. If you love you and hate your neighbor, you hate yourself. LOVE
Let me repeat the most important part.
LOVE
Love,
MJ Schrader
Read MoreInstant Healing for Abuse Patterns
Because the holidays often bring up old abuse patterns… I am giving you the best audio gift I could think of this year:
“Instant Healing for Abuse Patterns”
…Because sometimes we let ourselves be abused and don’t even realize it! (This is delivered by online audio no matter where you live)
Please take the quiz below and see if you have any old abuse issues hiding in the shadows.
Can you think of anyone else who may have some of these same issues? Forward this letter to them please. Yes, I am giving you permission to ‘re-gift’. Let’s spread this healing all around the globe.
With love from me to you…
Get it right here: http://rebeccamarina.com/2009/12/gift-heal-abuse/
Wait! take the quiz…
Abuse Pattern Quiz:
Here are some signs you could have an unhealed abuse pattern: (See how many you answer ‘yes’ to )
A. You allow others to make you feel small.
B. You cannot say “NO”.
C. You find it hard to stick up for yourself.
D. You find it almost impossible to make decisions.
E. You are afraid to ask for what you really want.
F. Your spirit knows you are wounded.
G. You may abuse others. rare for women, we prefer to abuse ourselves)
H. Your children treat you disrespectfully.
I. You don’t feel like you deserve the best.
J. You don’t nurture yourself.
K. You put everyone else’s needs ahead of yours. (Martyr syndrome)
L. You find it difficult to trust anyone.
M. You are always waiting for the “other shoe” to drop.
N. You are just not happy.
O. You feel it is your duty to have Sexual relations, even when you are not in the mood.
P. You consume foods, drinks, or other substances you know not good for you.
Is any of this resonating with your spirit?
Please accept my gift of Instant Healing for Abuse Patterns -at no cost to you.
Get it right here: http://rebeccamarina.com/2009/12/gift-heal-abuse/
Love and Blessings,
Rebecca
.
PS- Several folks have told me they would like to donate to this ministry of emotional healing details: http://rebeccamarina.com/about/donations/
PPS- Please re-gift my ‘Instant Abuse Healing’ present to you by forwarding letter to all you feel will benifit
http://rebeccamarina.com/2009/12/gift-heal-abuse/
Odds Are
Odds are, you know someone who was physically abused, odds are you know someone who was sexually assaulted even raped. Odds are you know someone emotionally abused. Odds are you know several. Odds are in many cases you don’t even know this is part of their history or current situation.
My last post was “But he doesn’t hit me” which was talking about emotional and mental abuse. Then on Thanksgiving, my facebook status was “if there are more than 4 women at your table, then one of them has been abused, molested and or raped. 1 in 12 odds for men.” So after a few emails I knew this was something that needed further discussion.
Maybe the number sounds high. You may look around your family, or your close friends and say “no, nothing has ever happened, I know them.” But the truth is sad.
It may have happened when they were little. Maybe it happened years ago, or it may have happened just today. First off, no matter if it is rape, sexual assault, physical abuse, or mental abuse it is embarrassing and humiliating. Second there is a problem of who do they tell, who can be trusted.
Most any form of abuse or assault happens from people known by the survivors. Since so many know their attackers, who can they trust? Even when they develop trust again, there are victims who would rather close the book and never talk about it again. Others may only mention when they are worried about someone else, or the topic becomes of importance.
It’s not an easy subject to handle or to announce. But what about those odds… again the truth is sad. Between friends and emails received I know many cases where this is a secret few know. If you are a guy you know men don’t talk. Men often feel emasculated by being abused so they are even more reluctant to talk.
It is not something talked about at the dinner table, so yes you could be sitting with a survivor, if not survivors. The odds are all too real. The reason for this story is simple. When do we make this stop? What can we do to help it stop?
Watch for signs of abuse. Watch for signs of someone having been raped. Offer support. Encourage medical attention as necessary. Do not push, judge or criticize. Read below for signs and visit the sites to see how you can help. If you are at a club and see someone slip something in a drink, tell someone. If you feel sleepy after a drink, talk to a guard or management. If you see abusive signs in your own relationship, seek help. Remember respect, honor and most important love. Put LOVE first everything else will fall into place.
MJ Schrader
Signs of Abusive Relationships
Fear of conflict, worried about upsetting a partner. Unexplained injuries, jumpy nervous behavior. Lose contact with friends. Change in activities, behavior and or appearance. Frequent last minute change of plans. Excuses made for abuser. Click here to learn how to help a friend or family member who is being abused.
Signs of Rape or Sexual Assault from NY Times
Rape or Sexual Assault is a very traumatic event. The person who was raped may or may not be able to say that she was actually raped, or she may seek medical attention for a different complaint. Emotional reactions differ greatly and may include:confusion, social withdrawal, tearfulness, nervousness or seemingly inappropriate laughter, numbness, hostility, and fear. Click here to learn how to help a friend who was raped
Read MoreViva La Vida
Welcome to my personal blog. This blog in various forms and formats has been in existence since 2000. As for why this is called Viva La Vida, it means "live the life" in Spanish, but it is a salute to living life to the fullest. And my hope is that you will live life to the fullest!
This is my personal blog! So viva la vida with me!!