What is Your 2012 One Word Theme?
Ok, in the last post I talked about my one word theme for 2011. Before I tell you my word for 2012, do you understand the one word theme?
It was something I read on Mari Smith’s blog years ago. But the basic concept is that for many of us it is pretty hard to make resolutions that you will still be doing a month from now, never mind a few months or a year.
The one word theme gives you a touchstone that you can decide and factor into the things you do. You can use it to change multiple areas of your life. Or use it as a guide, something you want to align yourself with to grow throughout the year.
2010 I believe my word was Growth.
2011 the word was Change.
2012 This year my word is Devoted.
On FB someone asked about one word themes and someone responded their word was “Devoted” the word resonated within me.
Read MoreA Must Read for You
Good bye 2010.
You started evil, included the worst summer in my over 30 years of life. Like any roller coaster, there are hills and valleys, thrills and disappointments. The journey teaches lessons as it goes, as long as we are willing to learn.
The Top 10 Lessons of 2010 will be covered on MJSchrader.com. The first post in the series will run January 2nd. But that is my professional blog, while some of the lessons were personal, I tried to cover professionally. If you are here, you are wanting my personal side. Thank you for followed me for 8 years through all the blog changes.
First the negative
The year started bad, part of the ceiling in my garage collapsing on the first day. Then the year went average other than low income until June 1st, starting the summer from h*ll. My grandmother had unrecoverable stroke, 3 lumps confirmed in Grandaddy’s lungs, treatments are not an option. Rats trashed my garage, weeks of poisoning meant dead stinking rats in my walls during a hot summer, a constant reminder. My dog developed a food allergy, my cat a urinary problem, the plumbing problem. Grandmother died. We worried Grandaddy was going to die. Funeral stuff. My closest friend, knowing my history, turned it against me, attacked me verbally, (attacking my life, boyfriend, and I in January) then disappeared when I asked for help. No other close friends locally. I missed Unseminar 8, WordPress business crashed, Energy biz crashed. People who knew some, how flow was constant, who wondered how I bared it, often I did too. Others stepped in with tons of advice without knowing what was happening, my personality or needs, when what I needed was friends not advice. Money went from tight to even tighter, and then…
and then….
The Good
Vicki seemed to call the times I needed a friend the most. She is more powerful than she knows. Kelly stood beside me, a bright light in the storm. My mom understood, both her and Dad encouraged my dreams. Ethan and Jan offered love. Tam and Rhonda offered gentle guidance that anchored my soul. Fred is my heart and allowed me to step away from the storm. Many of my Unseminar friends (Karen, Kate, Barb, Ann, and others) started contacting, reaching and, guiding me. The Maestas family took me in as my own family shrinks.
Allison, Bonnie, Brenda, Brandi, Holly, Jacqui, Stacie, Steph, SSSemester and many bloggers went from being people I knew, to reaching my soul and heart. The McNana family gave an online family.
Offline, Tayelor and I enjoyed many cups of tea together. Kandi and Leora asked me to share lunch and understanding my tight budget. Susan P and Susan S appeared at the same time, both beautiful radiant souls. Tony gave inspiration. Prince was and is Prince. Keli, Heath and other classmates offered comfort. Then the jump back into SOC that brought more love than before. So many more… so much. Thank you.
Thank you for everything…
my budget may still be tight but…
I have all the riches in the world…
I have all the riches in the world…
I have ALL the riches in the world…
For all I lost, I gained so much more, there was more to this post… stuff about other changes, but the only note that matters currently is love. To everyone reading this, to everyone
Thank you for giving me more than money can ever buy. You are all rockstars.
May your inner rockstar shine with more light than you ever knew was possible.
I Love You!
MJ Schrader
Read More9 Drifted Apart ~ 30 Days of Truth
Back to the ongoing 30 Days of Truth Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. The date of the next 30 days of truth will be December 5th. The last post was New Mexico, New Thoughts
Through most of school I had a best friend named Michelle. She probably won’t believe me, but I think she is absolutely beautiful. Her heart is the most beautiful heart. She reminds me of my mom but she’s my age. She loves animals. All animals. She knows dog breeds. She is intelligent and funny.
We met in 4th grade, when we were in 4H together with Victoria. We had fun in Entomology, that my mom coached. Our little team won prizes in bug studies and we had a lot of fun.
In High School things shifted. I was not around Victoria as much as Michelle, although Michelle stayed close to Victoria.
Then College. She moved far away. Then I got married. My dream turned into a nightmare. And basically I drifted away from everyone. I regret that. The darkness swallowed my life and I lost track of her as well as many others. Then I became a youth minister, and one of my charges looks like her. She talks like her. Her interests are different but it makes me realize a part of my heart was missing.
We exchanged brief letters, sometimes emails. Finally Facebook started taking over. It has put me in touch with a lot of classmates. Some of which I feel closer to now than I did in school. And now I am in touch with Victoria, and sometimes Michelle.
There are other reasons for the drift that are her stories not mine. (Michelle, if you read this, I understand.) But I still hate that we drifted.
I hate that I drifted so far that I only had a few friends I trusted. Please help me open my heart to trust more, to re-build my friend circle and build it larger so it will not get knocked off kilter so easily.
Learning, Growing, Loving
MJ Schrader
PS Sunday December 5th will be Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know
Read More30 Days of Truth ~ 4 Forgive Someone
30 Days of Truth Prompt Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
This one is hard. Although many people doubt it right now, I do not hold grudges. The problem is I have forgiven people and forgiven… until I became a doormat. Then in late June I realized what a doormat I had become, now I am trying to decide who is really my friend….
An old employer emailed (thankfully doesn’t have my phone number) recently wanting to “meet and we can talk.” Years ago this employer wanted me to work for them again. The previous boss there had not been the best. But this employer promised me things were better, and a nice big bonus after season. When the season ended, the bonus was about half of promised. The employer promised an even bigger bonus next time, a bonus that was 5 figures. The bonus received 1/10th promised.
Another employer promised me a pay raise and a job promotion when I started, and after a year instead promoted someone without the degree and with less experience. Then proceeded to demean me in front of other employees and even scream at me (multiple times) in the open office with clients and co-workers.
There are some “friends” that I have recently realized where not friends. These friends overlap. Some fit into all of these…
- The friends who invite me out to eat knowing I’ll pay more than my portion, to cover their portion of the tip, that they under pay. Now with my current job, I have asked them to switch electric companies and they haven’t even looked.
- The friends for whom I have dropped everything to help them. (and when I haven’t they have kept asking until I do) Yet they disappear when I need them, and won’t look at the business either.
- The friend that has called me all sorts of names, repeatedly lashed out at me and never apologized.
- The friend that invited me out to dinner, just to insult me, complain about and belittle every decision I have made.
So I forgive you, those whom I called “friends,” but I was not yours.
I forgive you for not respecting me.
I forgive you for treating me as a lesser citizen or an incompetent person.
I forgive you for believing you could take and never give, and that I should be grateful.
I forgive you for feeling that it was necessary to treat me bad.
I forgive you for not appreciating me and how much I did and still do care.
That being said, yes I still do care. Do not belittle me further and say, “Well, not like you care” because I no longer want to be your doormat. Do not belittle me by saying I deserve to be alone because I will no longer jump for you when you won’t help me. Relationships are about give and take. And refusing anything less does not mean that I do not care.
And for me, I am sorry that you feel that I am rude by wanting respect. And I am sorry if you choose to no longer “be friends” but if this is what makes you leave, then we were not friends.
To those who are my friends… I love you. Please forgive me when I question if you care about me. I am uncertain at this time, who does care and who does not. Please forgive me for when I do not give as much as I take. Please forgive me for when I am scared, or when the vomitous mass of emotions comes up.
I love you.
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
MJ Schrader
Read MoreHappy Halloween and That Guy in NM
Today is Halloween, The 2nd part of the title is a promise I made. 
October 31st is also 
the 11th birthday of my black cat. Estimated birthday was end of October, what better day for him?
Serendipity
Serendipity brought this cat to me. I was a youth minister at the time. Then a mom of one of the boys offered me a 6 month neutered black cat. We, the youth group and I, named him. He and my other pets help me not feel alone.
Alone
Many people feel alone at various time in their lives. We hit rough patches. We feel like no one has gone through what we are, or even worse someone tells us alone is our destiny. In my life I’ve heard assorted things like the latter. Those were mostly buried until a friend yelled it at me.
I love her, and her family. It has been months, since she screamed those words. Her children are important to me, as she is, I’d like to start over from ground zero. She was asked to be there for me, when my grandmother died, in less than 10 days, she did multiple things that hurt me, including the above. She keeps telling me to tell her “what happened that (I) unexpectedly stopped talking to her,” yet I am the one who gets hurt again in telling her. If that ends the friendship, so be it.
Love
“That guy in NM” and I have dated 11 months now. This is my 3rd longest relationship. Just over 5 and 4 years was the length of my other two long relationships. Considering I didn’t date in school and have been out20 years. It means I have been single a lot. It also means I have very little experience with relationships, but this week, I actually did a crazy thing, I sent him an “I love you” text.
Mid July was the last I saw him. He came in for one night, for work. The disadvantage of having such a big state, is that he’s 10 hours away. I miss him. I wish he could visit here, my parents would like to meet the guy who actually peaks my interest. He’s just gotten a new job, so he hardly gets days off, never mind enough to come here, and money is tight here. Hopefully the next paragraph will change that…
Energy
This week I started (their wording) “Showing people, just like you, how to make money and save money on their energy bills.” The cousin of “that guy in NM” is teaching me. Unemployed for 18 months is a bit draining. My goal is to train 6 people before the end of the year. Please let me know if you would like to be one of the 6.
Make it Work
I WILL make this work with the above company and reach Senior Director before the end of the year. Because I must. Because I want to. Because I want to have a flexible job and income that grows monthly. So I can see my boyfriend, so I can finally travel, which is something that was always part of future plans. So I can have time to write.
Making it work is actually something we must all do. We must make things work, at various times for various reasons. Also if you are curious about the name of the black cat… it is in puzzle form. The first letter of each subtitle.
Make it so…
MJ Schrader
Read MoreViva La Vida
Welcome to my personal blog. This blog in various forms and formats has been in existence since 2000. As for why this is called Viva La Vida, it means "live the life" in Spanish, but it is a salute to living life to the fullest. And my hope is that you will live life to the fullest!
This is my personal blog! So viva la vida with me!!