Posts Tagged "love"

I Choose to See the Good

Posted by MJ on Dec 1, 2011 in My Truth | 0 comments

Yesterday I told you about the day after Thanksgiving.

While it felt good to see him again after a year (to the day), and even kiss him, it felt pretty crummy to keep his touches appropriate. It felt good that he said he’d like to see me again and was planning future dates (long distance) but it felt crummy because it seemed like something he was doing so I’d agree to invite him home. It felt really crummy that he cussed when I left, but felt good that I went home alone.

But calling me repeatedly between 2:22 and 2:58, waking to find that he unfriended me. And when I called at 8 am, it seems all the phone calls were to tell me how we “didn’t see each other” and shouldn’t say that cause his family questioned him, (at 2am?) and he unfriended me to keep me from saying anything else.

Of all the things that happened this phone call bothered me the most. So I emailed a couple girl-friends and asked their opinions of what in the world had happened and was I wrong…

Well, they all agreed he acted like a jerk and I shouldn’t feel bad. And agreed it hurts to be turned into the villain. They gave different reasons for why he did it, which I needed, because I am a woman and I wanted to hear different opinions to decide what my truth was…

But here is the truth…

Self Respect Clarity

Posted by MJ on Nov 30, 2011 in Inner Rockstar | 0 comments

In order to make people happy I have compromised. I have agreed with things because it would make someone else happy or at least not mad. Even if this meant I didn’t enjoy it, I could tolerate it because the other person was more important than me.

The problem is that often they did not become happy because of my sacrifice. So this was a pointless sacrifice to martyr myself. That wasn’t my intent, but that allowed people to bulldoze over me, and disregard my feelings and view… or did it?

What I killed was my self-respect, because “we should love our neighbors as ourselves” cause the Bible says to. But I didn’t love myself, I did it to make others love me and so they didn’t, and I didn’t really love them.

Think about that wording… “as ourselves” so if you treat yourself bad, and hate yourself what about those poor neighbors. You can’t love them any better than yourself so stop trying to martyr yourself…

One Truth, Say It With Love

Posted by MJ on Sep 8, 2011 in Life | 0 comments

Love vs hate

I have discussed before that my family dealt very heavily in hatred. While my parents made a choice to change, it is still there. But hatred is something that is everywhere. Look around, how many people are ready to tell you gossip, petty stories, be catty, or even downright mean.

That may not come from hatred, but it does not come from love.

See you can hate me for what I say here. You can hate Bill Gates for being rich. You can hate your boss or your co-workers. Perhaps you back up and say “I don’t hate them” while talking bad about them and dismissing everything they do. You stand there and judge them on all they say and all they do, but you are only hurting yourself….

The way to change is by accepting love. Justin Hayward said it best in the Lyrics to “Say it With Love” for The Moody Blues.

And with just one truth I’ve found, You can’t go wrong
Wherever you go, Whatever you do
Whatever you say, Say, say, say
Say it with love.

If you stop coming from any other point of view other than love….

Special Anniversary

Posted by MJ on Jul 20, 2011 in My Truth | 1 comment

Today is a birthday and anniversary.

Not an anniversary with someone, but an anniversary nonetheless.  It is also the very same day that became the Maine Coon Cat’s birthday.  The vet marked it as Lilo’s birthday when she first went to the vet at 6 weeks old. (I had found her 2 weeks before)

Today, she is 3, and it’s been 3 years since I realized how much my life has changed. But change is hard to see, and for those who are just getting to know me you may not know how much change there was….

In 2003, I woke from a dark life, and my hand bears a reminder of that day. Perhaps a scar does not sound like the best reminder, yet it constantly reminds me that I need to help others. Even if that idea did not occur to me until later.

That day was July 20th 2008.

Looking at my life, I realized it was not where it needed to be. This was the day I decided to

The War of Love and Hate

Posted by MJ on Jun 28, 2011 in Inner Rockstar | 5 comments

First, the blog was changed to indicate this is my journal  ♥ Hope you like it.  Second I’m sorry this post is so long.  Now onto the war of love and hate.

Sadly this war has been going on forever…. you may never see it or one day witness it firsthand. I recall the first time I saw it; yet, I was too young to realize it was a war.  Like any child growing up in a war zone, it was not until later that I realized it was not normal and it was violent.

I was only 3, how could I possibly know that this would start a war within my heart? How could I know that it was also a foreboding of things yet to come? How could I know how long the scars would take to heal?

At 3 years old, I sat in my grandparents’ breakfast room floor. This was Dad’s parents, Mom’s parents were visiting.  Both grandmothers were in the room with me.

“What’s wrong with her?” said Mom’s mom… pointing at me.

“There’s nothing wrong with her.” said Dad’s mom.

“Look at the way she’s sitting!” I looked at the way I was sitting….

Sadly I don’t remember the conversation after that and “something was wrong with her” stuck in my head, becoming a part of my life.