How I Became Spock…
Sadly we interpret things through very strange lenses as children. We catch statements and make them our truths even when they are meant to be a statement or information for the time. Things change, and statements said are sometimes said carelessly.
Thus it was, yet I took it to heart. My heart has always been soft. Life has taught me to be tough and so I can be, but beneath is a soft heart, full of passion and compassion. Yet as a child, my heart was prone to crying when scolded which was followed with “Stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to cry.”
Along the way the words became twisted, especially when the emerging hormones of teenage life took over. It was bad enough, feeling out of control, wanting to cry one minute and be happy another. The “Stop crying” ruled me, and watching Star Trek I realized that Vulcans had emotions long ago, and learned to control them. Nothing said it could not be done inside myself. This made sense to a child who had always been far more serious than her age.
So I learned to stop crying.
At 18, a guy finally was interested in me. As the first guy interested in me, I ignored all our differences. He sexually assaulted me one day. Since it wasn’t rape, I didn’t know what to do. I told no one, but hate raged. I locked it down, and with it, love.
It seems emotions are yen and yang, in my youth I did not see the alternative loss.
Read More10 ~ Why I Want Your Inner Rockstar to Shine ~ 30 Days of Truth
Another of the 30 Days of Truth, Day 10 Prompt → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. Day 11 → “Something people seem to compliment you the most on” will be December 8th
Have you ever seen Mr Destiny?
In the movie Jim Belushi is quite certain his life will be much better if only he had not missed baseball during a game.
Well, on this particular evening he tells someone at a bar who grants his wish. Sure enough his life completely changes. His life looks as he thought it should have, if he had not made a mistake in the baseball game. He has everything he thought he should have, except his old life is what he realizes is what he wants. Everything in his past that was now missing, is what made him into who he is today.
So in this aspect… everyone made me who I am today. I live my life out loud, and want you to make your inner rockstar shine, because of all the dirt thrown over my inner rockstar. It has taken a while for me to dig out from all the dirt, and I am probably the worst offender. Blaming myself when I was abused, molested, yet not walking away, the sooner I had walked away the sooner I could have found my inner rockstar. I am still trying to make that star shine… but I am working on it.
Yet all this dirt, all the people who entered my life and did not treat me right gave me wisdom. Wisdom to say, “no more” and wisdom to say, “how can I prevent this or at least make the path easier for others.” This is what made me realize that other people have all sorts of dirt and other things thrown at them that keeps that inner rockstar hidden. The sooner you find your inner rockstar the sooner you can shine!
Live, Laugh, Love and SHINE ON ROCKSTAR!
MJ Schrader
Read MoreFamily, Friends Redefined?
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D*MNED IF YOU DO
This has been on my mind a lot lately. Unfortunately, business success is a slow going process, which I understand. Yet, things have been happening that make life even harder, a lot of d*mned-if-you-do,-d*mned-if-you-don’t. In the summer I got rid of a lot of things in my house that had negative influences. Now I am looking at people.
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IRONY
Pair of family members got into a discussion in my car saying that a divorced woman commits adultery by marrying again. This and other discussions were “because they were worried I didn’t believe in God.” Ironically because of these discussions I did before, and now I am not certain.
Meanwhile an ex-friend from Un5 told me no man would go out with me without sex. I want a man to want ALL OF ME, brains, laughing, dancing, studying, silly, pet owning, coffee loving me. Furthering the above mentioned d*mned cycle, if I stay in on Friday night, someone will ask “why aren’t you out?” Then I am told if you want to find someone “you need to learn to live alone.” I haven’t been on a date in over a year.
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IT GETS MESSY
So between problems with family and friends trying to decide if I want to date again, if so how to meet good men, and watching a friend go through a divorce. Then business related trying to get a business started. Then financial related trying to decide what to do about an income, paying bills, having emergency expenses, and so much… and actually truth is I have been fighting depression since I got laid off in April, which grew when I quit in July, but I don’t need another job where I am treated like I am stupid (even told that by a manager).
Add in this past week I learned a VERY PAINFUL BUSINESS LESSON from “a friend” suddenly I was hurting so bad, I was worried I’d do something incredibly stupid that would get me hurt. Stress makes me turn fearless, combine a high pain tolerance & I do chores I shouldn’t, like clean gutters standing on the on the TOP step of a shaking ladder.
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FRIENDS REDEFINED:
But I made a comment about being incredibly hurt on Twitter and I wished I could talk to someone. Within minutes Martha was on the phone asking me what she could do. The next day, Maggie, Karen and Trapper had contacted me. I had pulled out of a forum and within days the founder talked to me. So the painful lesson resulted in me learning the difference between friends and those “who want to be your friend.”
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FAMILY REDEFINED:
Oddly earlier in the week someone asked me how do you define family. Being ever curious, I looked up the actual definition, expecting blood relations. There are several definitions, household, common ancestry, scientific terms, and then: people who share a common background and goal. My family is rather small, shrunk further by discord, and I have always wanted to be part of a big family.
So rather than continue claiming “blood” family, I will claim those who share a common goal. The first being Love.
Which means a very few “blood” relations, plus a whole family who are not blood related to me, but they are family to me, and I them (Stella, April et.al. Love you!) My family consists of someone I have loved (non-romantic) since we were singing “Froggy went a Courting” (Prince love you!) Then there is Vicki in New Mexico. And many people I have met in the past 2 years that now are family (Maggie, Christy, Martha, Karen, Twenty, Carol and more)
So define your family and friends by your heart. Ignore the words in dictionary. Don’t ignore your gut when it says don’t be friends with M even if friends say trust them. Follow your heart. ♥
♥
So what is your definition of friends? Of family?
Does it really matter what the dictionary says or should they be defined by your heart?
MJ Schrader
Read MoreIt doesn’t matter, it’s in the past
Perhaps you know, perhaps you don’t, but on my Facebook I have Movie Mondays. Every Monday, my status all day long is a quote from a movie. If I update it, I change it to a different movie. The game is played simply by replying with a different quote from the movie.
One of the movies this week was “Lion King,” and I went to IMDB to find a quote to use, I like using one that’s not too obvious. Yet, in reading the quotes I could not help but think about life and the choices made in the past and things that happened in the past. Sometimes we get stuck in the past and demand certain things from it.
We decide our past is the only possible future. We expect to be bound and limited by past limitations. Or even expect because people told you repeatedly you are a failure that when you start moving towards success, you wait patiently for someone to slap your knuckles and say you are still a failure. When no one does, you slow up, waiting… waiting to be told, or somehow make it true. Or not allowing yourself to stretch or grow because of your past limitations, and making them your current limitations.
But here’s a scene for you…
Adult Simba: I know what I have to do. But going back will mean facing my past. I’ve been running from it for so long. [Rafiki hits Simba on the head with his stick] Ow! Jeez, what was that for?
Rafiki: It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.
Adult Simba: Yeah, but it still hurts.
Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it.
So, rather than be stuck in the past, use the past pains, the past limitations to learn from them. If some limit does actually still exist, find a way to work around it. If something in your past does hurt you, look at it again. Perhaps someone hurt you, maybe they were in a painful point in their life, maybe they could not see your point of view, maybe they thought they were being helpful. But whatever happened, happened in the past, you can’t change it, no one else can change it.
What happens in your future is up to you, this is something I am trying to accept now.
A friend’s marriage is ending because of deception. My dating experiences are limited, and unfortunately have included some bad experiences, as mentioned in the “It’s my fault” post. It is easy to look at the past and say so the future will be. That’s not fair or true. It’s not right for me to sabotage prospects, deny possible men, or expect the worst. Yet I have. 
So here and now I make a choice. I choose to allow opportunities even though they may scare me. In my business life I choose to accept success is something I can have. I choose to accept that someone can like me for who I am as a person.
Are you allowing your past to hold you prisoner?
Are you sabotaging your future to make your past correct?
It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past
Rock on!
MJ Schrader
LoveRockstar
Viva La Vida
Welcome to my personal blog. This blog in various forms and formats has been in existence since 2000. As for why this is called Viva La Vida, it means "live the life" in Spanish, but it is a salute to living life to the fullest. And my hope is that you will live life to the fullest!
This is my personal blog! So viva la vida with me!!