16 ~ I can not live without Love
Welcome to another of 30 Days of Truth Prompt Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
There are a great many things that I think I could not live without. Once again when I think about what I could not live without, then I think about the similarity that runs through them. What I can not live without is something no one can live without, despite what people may say publicly.
What I can not live without, what you can not live without, is one simple word…
LOVE.
Mom – I love my mom. 10 days without being able to talk to my mom regularly while she was attending her mom’s funeral in the tech phobic town Malone, made me miserable.
Friends – People I called friends disappearing when I asked for help, made me sad. I felt like I had been abandoned and even felt hated.
A Dog – The times I have not had a companion dog, made me a bit empty. While I did not have to have a dog, it was this
Yet each of these I can not live without because I miss the love. I want love. All this time, like in the song mentioned in the previous, it is all the love you give has all been meant for you. In my search for love, I looked outside of myself yet it is in fact the biggest treasure ever and yet it is hidden in plain sight right here… inside of myself. And it is this way with you as well, so while you may miss things or people you might be surprised at how often it is because you miss the love…
Living, Laughing, Learning,
Love,
MJ Schrader
PS Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Read MoreWhy Did You Move? The New Website Explained
Welcome to my blog once again. Last post I said I would tell you why the site moved once again. Hopefully this will be the last and final move.
This is who I am. MJ Schrader. In some ways it seems sad to me that it has taken near 40 years to realize who I am. Yet at the same point there are a great many people who never realize or accept who they are.
My birth name, the name that a few family and friends call me is my grandmother’s name. She died a month before my 5th birthday, and yet she left an indelible impression on my mind and soul. She is M***** Schrader. In Oregon there is another one serving the State Senate. When I started online, her name was everywhere online. Then when I went to my first seminar there was another person with my first name. It’s not exactly a common name anymore.
Anyway MJ is what an old boss called me. The one of the only 2 bosses I loved, in a platonic way, and the only boss I respected as a person. The other boss developed a drinking issue, which broke my heart and eventually killed him. All other bosses, I respected only as a boss, as people, I learned to not trust them. This boss treated me with respect and acknowledged my ability and skills. He told me several times to start going by MJ because he said it commanded more respect. Sorry Kirk, it took 10 years before I did.
Then when I made the change, I wanted to get a website with my name. Yet 2 problems appeared. 1 MJ Schrader was gone, according to Whois a Matt had it. He apparently also got a few other MJSchrader things. But that’s ok I wasn’t ready. 2. People have trouble spelling my last name.
Now here’s a quick list of other Schraders, That is actually Schroeder on Peanuts. Replace the oe with a and you got it. Paul Schrader is a famous screenwriter and director. Ken Schrader is a NASCAR race car driver. Schrader valves are on almost every tire in the world, it is known for that little center piece you can press to let air out or in. Libbie Schrader is a musician. And as unusual as people think my last name is, I am not related to any of them, as far as I know. Hopefully this list will help a few people with spelling my last name.
See as much as I wanted to go with LoveRockstar for a brand name, because it was easier to spell. That is who I am inside my heart. Plus there is a key here in my elevator speech, “Making your inner rockstar shine” I am MJ Schrader.
I am MJ Schrader.
My goal is making your inner rockstar shine.
Live Laugh Love
MJ Schrader
Read MoreInstant Healing for Abuse Patterns
Because the holidays often bring up old abuse patterns… I am giving you the best audio gift I could think of this year:
“Instant Healing for Abuse Patterns”
…Because sometimes we let ourselves be abused and don’t even realize it! (This is delivered by online audio no matter where you live)
Please take the quiz below and see if you have any old abuse issues hiding in the shadows.
Can you think of anyone else who may have some of these same issues? Forward this letter to them please. Yes, I am giving you permission to ‘re-gift’. Let’s spread this healing all around the globe.
With love from me to you…
Get it right here: http://rebeccamarina.com/2009/12/gift-heal-abuse/
Wait! take the quiz…
Abuse Pattern Quiz:
Here are some signs you could have an unhealed abuse pattern: (See how many you answer ‘yes’ to )
A. You allow others to make you feel small.
B. You cannot say “NO”.
C. You find it hard to stick up for yourself.
D. You find it almost impossible to make decisions.
E. You are afraid to ask for what you really want.
F. Your spirit knows you are wounded.
G. You may abuse others. rare for women, we prefer to abuse ourselves)
H. Your children treat you disrespectfully.
I. You don’t feel like you deserve the best.
J. You don’t nurture yourself.
K. You put everyone else’s needs ahead of yours. (Martyr syndrome)
L. You find it difficult to trust anyone.
M. You are always waiting for the “other shoe” to drop.
N. You are just not happy.
O. You feel it is your duty to have Sexual relations, even when you are not in the mood.
P. You consume foods, drinks, or other substances you know not good for you.
Is any of this resonating with your spirit?
Please accept my gift of Instant Healing for Abuse Patterns -at no cost to you.
Get it right here: http://rebeccamarina.com/2009/12/gift-heal-abuse/
Love and Blessings,
Rebecca
.
PS- Several folks have told me they would like to donate to this ministry of emotional healing details: http://rebeccamarina.com/about/donations/
PPS- Please re-gift my ‘Instant Abuse Healing’ present to you by forwarding letter to all you feel will benifit
http://rebeccamarina.com/2009/12/gift-heal-abuse/
Odds Are
Odds are, you know someone who was physically abused, odds are you know someone who was sexually assaulted even raped. Odds are you know someone emotionally abused. Odds are you know several. Odds are in many cases you don’t even know this is part of their history or current situation.
My last post was “But he doesn’t hit me” which was talking about emotional and mental abuse. Then on Thanksgiving, my facebook status was “if there are more than 4 women at your table, then one of them has been abused, molested and or raped. 1 in 12 odds for men.” So after a few emails I knew this was something that needed further discussion.
Maybe the number sounds high. You may look around your family, or your close friends and say “no, nothing has ever happened, I know them.” But the truth is sad.
It may have happened when they were little. Maybe it happened years ago, or it may have happened just today. First off, no matter if it is rape, sexual assault, physical abuse, or mental abuse it is embarrassing and humiliating. Second there is a problem of who do they tell, who can be trusted.
Most any form of abuse or assault happens from people known by the survivors. Since so many know their attackers, who can they trust? Even when they develop trust again, there are victims who would rather close the book and never talk about it again. Others may only mention when they are worried about someone else, or the topic becomes of importance.
It’s not an easy subject to handle or to announce. But what about those odds… again the truth is sad. Between friends and emails received I know many cases where this is a secret few know. If you are a guy you know men don’t talk. Men often feel emasculated by being abused so they are even more reluctant to talk.
It is not something talked about at the dinner table, so yes you could be sitting with a survivor, if not survivors. The odds are all too real. The reason for this story is simple. When do we make this stop? What can we do to help it stop?
Watch for signs of abuse. Watch for signs of someone having been raped. Offer support. Encourage medical attention as necessary. Do not push, judge or criticize. Read below for signs and visit the sites to see how you can help. If you are at a club and see someone slip something in a drink, tell someone. If you feel sleepy after a drink, talk to a guard or management. If you see abusive signs in your own relationship, seek help. Remember respect, honor and most important love. Put LOVE first everything else will fall into place.
MJ Schrader
Signs of Abusive Relationships
Fear of conflict, worried about upsetting a partner. Unexplained injuries, jumpy nervous behavior. Lose contact with friends. Change in activities, behavior and or appearance. Frequent last minute change of plans. Excuses made for abuser. Click here to learn how to help a friend or family member who is being abused.
Signs of Rape or Sexual Assault from NY Times
Rape or Sexual Assault is a very traumatic event. The person who was raped may or may not be able to say that she was actually raped, or she may seek medical attention for a different complaint. Emotional reactions differ greatly and may include:confusion, social withdrawal, tearfulness, nervousness or seemingly inappropriate laughter, numbness, hostility, and fear. Click here to learn how to help a friend who was raped
Read MoreShare your light!
Covering: Hiding your light, Disappearing Germans, Fear of Rejection (Part 2 of The Hotel Conversation)
Yes, last week was rather a quick list of thoughts that way I could spill my brain and hope that I cover everything that needs to be covered. There are some secrets I learned that I will not be sharing. Sorry. Then there are some secrets I will be sharing.
Soon after a round of hugs, Pat O’Bryan asked, “As my grandmother would say Why do you hide your light beneath a bushel.’” Odd thing for him to say soon after I arrive. Yet, several people have asked me similar questions lately. Like Twenty asked me on Vision Quest Radio, “You’ve got a lot going on inside, tell me some things.” Why don’t you share what is inside you. You are denying the world the story inside of you…
While I was walking Luna the next morning I thought about that repetitious statement. Then a second question came to mind. Pat and Tony Laidig asked where in Germany my dad’s family was from, yet the answer is unknown, although both families came over around the 1900s; Dad’s parents were both born stateside. They had brothers and sisters born in Germany. Grandad’s parents ran away from Germany, changed their name from Schröeder to Schrader and never looked back. Grandmother’s family claims their German heritage but not a city. Secrets hid for generations.
On my mom’s side things aren’t much better. My Granddaddy had to marry Granny in secret. His mother threw away the engagement ring. Add into the secrets, was an ongoing family tradition of meanness even hatred. When my Grandad died, I didn’t grieve for him. He was cold, and mean, but I grieved the lost connection to my Grandmother, who passed when I was little.
Then I recall that some things are passed generation to generation. Meanness and secrets. The secrets were bred from avoiding hatred and meanness. The black sheep in the family were the ones teaching openness and love.
Pat said to Tony, “I bet you a nickel she fears rejection.” In retrospect, it’s not fear of rejection for me. Rejection has become part of my life, because I was always doing things differently, partly because my brain functions differently (dyslexia). My two grandmothers debated how I sat on the floor as a 3 year old, one saying I did it incorrectly, the other saying that’s just how she sits. There are family members who think I should never date because I got a divorce. More meanness, more secrets.
I choose to write about love to fight the hatred and meanness. I choose to self publish because I want the independence to say what’s in my heart. I choose to use the writing name of Cierra James to give myself room, because it’s going to take a while to get comfortable with generations of secrets. And I choose to start being more open.
First secret: on my dad’s side, I am third generation German, in that heritage I am learning to brew beer.
Now, I ask for you to leave comments, please share with me:
What is your heritage?
What is your legacy?
How can you share your light?
Viva La Vida
Welcome to my personal blog. This blog in various forms and formats has been in existence since 2000. As for why this is called Viva La Vida, it means "live the life" in Spanish, but it is a salute to living life to the fullest. And my hope is that you will live life to the fullest!
This is my personal blog! So viva la vida with me!!