So this week was interesting.

I am so thankful to be alive.

For a while on Tuesday, I thought I was going to die, and in moments my life and the lifes of 3 people who have died  very recently passed through my mind.  My best friend’s grandfather died in December.  My brother in law because of a heart attack in April.  My grandad died in his sleep from diabetes in June.

On Tuesday, I was driving into work.  The road turned into a four lane, I got in the outside, because I was going to need to turn right at the light, probably 100 yards away.  Suddenly there was a gold car beside me.  It pulled slightly in front, only the front quarter panel was in front of my car.

It started edging into my lane.  I tapped the horn.  I don’t it honked, but this gold car was NOW PULLING INTO MY LANE.  So I grabbed the steering wheel with both hands and I was on the shoulder.

He was still pulling into my lane, I now had only one wheel on the shoulder, the rest of the car was on the grass.  I saw a metal sign pole coming right in front of me.  I cried out “Oh God!” It was a prayer.  Where the pole went I don’t know, because it was right in front of me.

My foot was on the brake, but I had been going 50 (speed limit) and was now on wet grass.  The car was skidding.  This guy in the gold car still did not see me.  I was driving beside him, off the road, and he didn’t know.

Suddenly he turns right!!!  He’s turning into the hotel.  My car had finally come to a stop.  He passes less than 18 inches in front of my car. How we didn’t have a collision is beyond me.  Though I am in shock I stand on the horn.  The blaring noise rings in my head, the driver finally turns and sees me.  He drives off into the parking lot, while I am left alone to gather my thoughts.

Everything has happened in slo-motion and some how in fast forward at the same time.  My life has passed before my eyes.  I am in mental shock and having an internal conversation…  “I am still alive!  Thank you God that I am alive.  I have just been driven off the road, but there was no collision.  What do I do?  It was a gold car, that’s all I know.  A male was driving.  What do I do?  Cars are coming, I am on the road.  Can’t be stopped on the road.  My heart hurts.  (Brother in law) just died of a heart attack.  Am I having a heart attack?  Whole body is tingling.  It’s not a heart attack.   I need to get to work, this has probably made me late.  What do I do?   Do I go to the hospital?  No insurance, barely pay bills.  The cars are getting closer, but I can pull out, better get to work.

So while my body is tingling all over, my chest feels like someone is standing on it, my mind is racing, I pull out and carefully turn onto the frontage road.  A gold car is sitting at the stop light facing me.  The guy stares at me…  it’s the guy who drove me off the road.  But I am still in mental shock so I keep driving.  My car sounds rough on the interstate, I debate if it’s the road surface or there is something wrong with the tires.  I am still wondering if the tingling is just adrenaline, and if the crushing feeling is okay.

When I get to work I am shaking like a leaf.   I start telling my boss what happened, after I say I got run off the road the boss tells me that right after getting her Jaguar a guy cut in front of her twice, and “tried to run me off the road.”  I was actually off the road.  She tells her husband both my story and her story.

Since work is weird about personal calls I don’t get to call my mom or CE until after work. However I spend the day wondering why I have worked 2 or 3 jobs for 14 years.   The first 11 I seldom took even a day off, never mind vacation.  There is a lot of this world I have not seen.  I am tired of just being able to pay bills and not do things with and for the people that matter the most to me.

When I get off work I drive by where I went off the road to see if I left skid marks.  Yep 12 foot long, only one tire 8 in off the grass.  The shoulder is almost a car width, and I only had one tire on it.

But when I got home I call my mom, tell her what happened, she is a bit worried because I am having trouble breathing.  Then tell her about the ceilings, she thinks that it’s pretty neat.

Next I call CE, he is worried.  I tell him I am okay, and not to worry, he has enough on his plate.  Last week his doctor changed his meds to something stronger.  He is still unemployed and worried about it, and what’s going to happen to his stuff at his brother’s house.

I go to ST’s house as planned, because I get to meet my “nephew’s” girlfriend.  It was a nice night.  I get to see 3 of ST’s kids, ST, her husband and her parents who are like 2nd parents to me.

Life is short.  It’s too short to have jobs doing things I don’t like.  Kids weren’t in the cards for me, but that means I should have more time and money and to spend on and with the people who matter to me.  My jobs don’t provide me with entertainment, time or money, something will be done to fix that.  So my goal now is live my life and enjoy life. This coming week I am plan to stay home a lot, praying, and planning, until I figure out how to do taxes, and be creative in between seasons.

Now to all you reading this… don’t wait.  Tell the people you love that you love them.  Tell people who have helped your life how important they are.  If you are doing something that doesn’t help your life; stop.  Take a break, re-focus, and find the path you need.   Now give everyone who is important to you a hug.  Because we have no guarantees about tomorrow.

Love, MJ