(this post got hung up as my website crashed, it happens.  Just like files on your computer get corrupt thus is it with websites or servers on occasion, this is why you should always back things up)

Last Sunday was Mother’s Day…

This was the first mother’s day where I accepted that there will not be children in my future. There is no longer “maybe in a few years… ” and while I wanted to write this post, I could not.

Yes, I’m sure you know someone who was in their 40s and such and such happened and then suddenly they were so happy to be pregnant.

My doctor and I have talked over the years, this was our deadline. He knows my medical history, and knows my family history. The few years ended last year, but some part of me held on to some fantasy that I still had a remaining chance.  But that aside this would also assume that any of my relationships lasted longer than an elephant’s pregnancy.

This is why I wrote a certain post on Facebook, and have decided to take James Fisher’s comment as a challenge…

Yes, I wanted a hot date. Truth is, for years I didn’t love myself, therefore why should the men I dated. Since I also did not expect the best, they did not give me their best. A lot has changed over the years, the self-respect that was once in negative numbers, is positive and a respectable number now.

While I wanted a date, it is not necessary for my happiness. By depending on someone else to make you happy, you will not find happiness. You are the one who can decide and choose to be happy. And that is my plan.  That being said I’m not quite certain I am ready to date.  Even if I haven’t seen him since November, it’s been only a few weeks since I asked the question, “Do you love me?” which with no answer and no supporting evidence indicates no.   And while this could be a misunderstanding, much like the pigs caught with the eggs and a frying pan in Angry Birds, it does not seem so…  plus he’s made little effort to stay in touch.

Writing, I didn’t write as much as I should have that night. If you know the workaholic nature I have, you might be impressed to know that I actually watched a movie and enjoyed myself.  But you know an action / sci fi, Pitch Dark, Chronicles of Riddick is enough to side track a woman like me 🙂

Must add likes sci fi / super hero movies to the list of qualifications for next time. Must love or at least like pets as well.  They are my substitute children so… like’m or leave me alone.

Live ♥ Laugh ♥ Love

MJ Schrader