Some try to tell me,
Thoughts they cannot defend,
Just what you want to be,
You will be in the end

~~ Nights in White Satin ~~ Moody Blues

Some try to tell me thoughts they cannot defend:
Sunday, went to my old church. I’ve attended a few times recently after several years absence. This Sunday they ask about my past job. They want me to be church bookkeeper. “We’ll have to work on her.” Well, I am no longer a bookkeeper, nor a tax preparer. The priest tells me about the newer computer they have. I don’t do bookkeeping, not for fees especially not for free.

This is followed shortly by “So what do you do now?” I am a consultant and writer. “What do you write about?” or “What kind of consulting?” Starting some Mastermind groups, helping people find the love within and build their business. They look at me like I am crazy. If I answer the writing question, I get a similar look.

My accounting degree was because “you’re good with math” and “you have to get a degree so you can get a job.”  I didn’t believe in jobs at 7, yet a job pays bills was the logic. Accounting is not math. Employers didn’t like ideas that were creative. Men that called me pretty, didn’t like that I was smart.  Is it that strange that my fingernails are long, I like paintball, SciFi, cartoons, roses, and being treated like a lady? But I pretended to be assimilated.

This has been my problem for many years. For 5 years I have wanted to build a business online, yet the offline world looks at me like I am crazy. Twitter and Facebook are helping me build an online circle that helps me know that I can succeed with what my heart desires. My seemingly random tastes are not that uncommon. Besides which I learned how to break out of the mold & swallowed the red pill. I know the truth.

Just what you want to be, You will be in the end
So while they look at me strange, it pushes me farther into the truth. For over 30 years I have complied with what the majority wanted and expected of me. People called me shy as a kid, when I was introspective. Yet, I believed their label for years. I assimilated. Problem is I am not a Borg. Yes, I am a geek by referring to Matrix and Star Trek, still not a Borg.

I am the one and only me. A geek teaching people how to love themselves. Labels are confining but I like geek. In that thought a joke came up, Love Rockstar, it sounds contradictory and makes me smile. I like it. I wrote a flaming letter to my church. Because I will be me, not a shy little bookkeeper, but the Love Rockstar with varied crazy tastes and not afraid to share hugs.

Love Rockstar