That’s what the old stories of our youth say.  Wonder if April changes bring May ranges?  Hopefully May ranges would mean I’d have a house with room to range around outside…

But April was full of changes.  After the seminar in March I got a couple clients who wanted websites built.  Then I got a phone call from an old friend.  He needed help with pictures not showing on this website.  Well, it took a few minutes of digging to say “your server is screwed up.”

A few more things he had me check, then asked if I needed a job. Suddenly I was gainfully employed doing something I love to do.  Then I was asked to jump into the deep end of the adult pool, and realized that I had not been living up to my potential.

A few days passed.  I asked a simple question that had been bugging me for a while, to someone who once treated me special and had stopped.  Gifts and promises to call on X day were as real as mists upon the wind. So “Do you love me?” was answered with “if someone else has made you those promises go on.”

Last time my heart broke, I asked the hair dresser for a change (don’t say that to a hair dresser) and my long hair was in a pixie cut.   So a few days later I went for a “milder change”, I went with light auburn.  25 minutes just gives it a pale tint I said… let’s go maximum.  Now, my hair is very auburn, and after the initial shock  (which gets repeated upon meeting old friends) looks as natural as I’d been born with it….

Now, I’ve gained a lot of confidence in my skills as web geek, and have the proof to verify them.  It means my rates are very good, because my 7 years with WordPress and the years before are my training.  The constant working with plugins and verifying what works together and working around things that do not, is ever growing.  Yet I love to help people get online, to have a site they love and makes them happy, so I want new clients who understand that I do way more than the average setup which will make their site work better.

This makes me excited.  The work, the new clients, the helping others, the new hair color even.  Although I really need someone to help me decide on my new colors.  But what bothers me is that someone who had my heart suddenly is calling, and texting, not a lot but more than in a long long time. It makes me wonder…  then the someone keeps asking me to send something. I’ve mailed things, brought things, given things.  The someone made promises, to give/send things including something I’ve wanted for a long time, yet I’ve never gotten them.  I’ve asked and still nothing, while I am trying to be mature, it hurts. It hurts that the person gave a cheap bottle of perfume to a bartender.  Nothing to me.  The person also will tell bartenders all about “our weekend” while I sit there.  It hurts that the person told me to look elsewhere and now is after me.  I want to cry.

But you know what?

I’m not going to.  It hurts. But pain is life.  (anyone who tells you differently is selling you something) What I need to do is move forward, make bigger strides towards my dreams.  Bigger strides towards creating websites, helping others create websites and getting several books written.  Actually loads of books…

C’est la vie and Viva la vida! (such is life in French and live the life in Spanish)

So Live, Laugh, Love,

MJ Schrader