Today is day 1 of the 30 Days of Truth, which is “Something you hate about yourself.”
It was just a few years ago that I could give you a laundry list of all the things I hate about myself. The list would have been both very deep and very wide. Sadly the list would have been very detailed as well. Now, I’ve accepted myself mostly, although I hate that I am afraid.
Not of spiders, bugs, mice or snakes. Yes some of those may make me jump, mostly if they startle me. There are some circumstances that make me uncomfortable, but do not make me afraid.
I bravely write in this blog. I tell you that I was anorexic, I was bullied. Here, I can tell you almost anything. As a blogger, I have courage. Yet, my dream is to be a published writer. This involves exactly what I do here, but … I am afraid.
I am afraid that writing a book will result in a book that will allow people to discover my writing is a fraud. I am afraid I will write and no one will buy it. I am afraid my writing won’t fit some invisible mold, which I didn’t fit when I barely passed creative writing.
Yes, if my writing was a fraud, it would have been discovered some time before 470 articles have been published in various places. (Articles by MJ Schrader) Yes, my friends would buy my book, if only for me. Yes, a teacher who barely passes someone who wrote like crazy in CREATIVE writing, probably has issues. But who said fears made sense?
I hate being afraid. What about you?
Live, Laugh, Love,
MJ Schrader
