There have been rumors, and whispers of rumors. In this blog post I am only going to answer a few questions others will be next week. “MJ is writing a book.” “MJ is writing two books.” “MJ is writing about love, and yet is a fail whale in the dating department.”
Yes, MJ does seem to be a bit of a fail whale in the dating department. I have decided to give up on dating, and let God handle things with a “what’s for me, won’t pass me” philosophy. But it is due to a past relationship that I am writing these books.
Yes, there are two books planned. The second book is one that has been in the works for a long time, but I could not decide how to approach the material. Then when I finally did, having to recall the past blocked me from writing. It was at this time, that a friend recommended that I work on a different project that could be my first book.
Thus “101 Ways to Love Yourself” was born. While Twenty had suggest a list of 90 ways, I felt the need to write small chapters explaining the logic behind some of the ways. Because I know where I was a few years ago, and where I see friends, some explanation is necessary or nothing will get done.
The second book is “More Valuable than Bread” which is based on a quote from Mother Teresa. “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.” So while the first is about loving yourself, this one is about love in general. The first is an important beginner guide. For in learning to love yourself, accepting your flaws, and your beauty, and knowing how to love yourself, you can love others.
How can I say that?
In 1994, I married a man who promised to take care of me, and love me. Soon my world seemed like a crazy sick dream; being told how much I was loved when we were in public, yet being treated as a servant to be talked at when we were alone. He told me how smart I was, but he would only allow me to cook or clean. He took my tools, “because you don’t know how to use them.” People at his church would talk to him while ignoring me. His father treated me like dog poop. While my husband raved over my being beautiful, about the only touch I got was when he would hold my head to talk to me.
He never hit me, so I felt like I should stay, I had made a commitment. That was before the brutal wake-up call, in 1997, I was 20 pounds underweight and within days of realizing I was 4 months pregnant; I had a miscarriage. Because I had been cut off from family and friends, I had no one to talk to about either. When I stated that our marriage needed help, and that I had found out about his hidden bank account he moved in with his dad, and we were soon divorced.
But the damage was already done. I felt completely abandoned by love, and had learned to loathe the person in the mirror. I hated me with all the fire that was left in my darkened soul. Time marched forward, and friendship and family inched back into my life. But the past caused recurring tremors of hatred, and disgust. It took years for me to look at myself in the mirror, even more before I could like the person I saw.
Still, I am trying to love myself. Being the quiet person I am, I see others who are in various stages of this journey toward self-love. While seeing my books on the New York Best Seller list would be a divine dream, the greater goal is to help people learn to love. If even just a few people learn to love, and spread more love, then the world is a better place. Then love will be the legacy I leave behind.
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