(this post got hung up as my website crashed, it happens. Just like files on your computer get corrupt thus is it with websites or servers on occasion, this is why you should always back things up)
Last Sunday was Mother’s Day…
This was the first mother’s day where I accepted that there will not be children in my future. There is no longer “maybe in a few years… ” and while I wanted to write this post, I could not.
Yes, I’m sure you know someone who was in their 40s and such and such happened and then suddenly they were so happy to be pregnant.
My doctor and I have talked over the years, this was our deadline. He knows my medical history, and knows my family history. The few years ended last year, but some part of me held on to some fantasy that I still had a remaining chance. But that aside this would also assume that any of my relationships lasted longer than an elephant’s pregnancy.
This is why I wrote a certain post on Facebook, and have decided to take James Fisher’s comment as a challenge…
Yes, I wanted a hot date. Truth is, for years I didn’t love myself, therefore why should the men I dated. Since I also did not expect the best, they did not give me their best. A lot has changed over the years, the self-respect that was once in negative numbers, is positive and a respectable number now.
While I wanted a date, it is not necessary for my happiness. By depending on someone else to make you happy, you will not find happiness. You are the one who can decide and choose to be happy. And that is my plan. That being said I’m not quite certain I am ready to date. Even if I haven’t seen him since November, it’s been only a few weeks since I asked the question, “Do you love me?” which with no answer and no supporting evidence indicates no. And while this could be a misunderstanding, much like the pigs caught with the eggs and a frying pan in Angry Birds, it does not seem so… plus he’s made little effort to stay in touch.
Writing, I didn’t write as much as I should have that night. If you know the workaholic nature I have, you might be impressed to know that I actually watched a movie and enjoyed myself. But you know an action / sci fi, Pitch Dark, Chronicles of Riddick is enough to side track a woman like me 🙂
Must add likes sci fi / super hero movies to the list of qualifications for next time. Must love or at least like pets as well. They are my substitute children so… like’m or leave me alone.
Live ♥ Laugh ♥ Love
This is a very revealing, showing it all post, that more than one woman feels and few have the guts to write and share in public.
One of the greatest cravings we have as humans is to love an to be loved in return. The return part is where it gets sticky because there are no guarantees. The one you love does not necessarily love you in return.
If you have to ask, “Do you love me?” the man probably needs to take the Man Class (where men learn how to fill her love bucket). Sometimes guys are just poor communicators. Sometimes, guys can’t get a heart on and share emotion.
I can say from my own experience you have the makings of a true love diplomat. Most important is that you love and honor yourself. Make your love bucket list of what you want in a great man, mate, partner. You may not have children this time ’round, but you can attract the right man who appreciates you and sees your beauty.
MJ, you are beautiful!!!
Blessings and love,
The Love Linguist
Sherrie, Thank you for the beautiful comment. Some days it is hard to lay my heart out in the open, yet there are times when the comments come rolling in… thanking me for telling my truth because their stories echoes my own.
As far as Love Diplomat, I am still in the process of “standing” in the past I was emotionally beaten into the ground. My legs still wobble, but I stand, some days strong, some days I am weak. But it’s changing.
Thank you for all you do Sherrie!
Thank you for honoring us by sharing so deeply, MJ. I’m glad you’ve moved into the positive self-esteem numbers. You are a beautiful person, physically and emotionally, smart and funny and kind, and the right man is going to be exceptionally grateful to have you in his life.
I do think a lot of us can relate to both parts of your experience, the longing for children and the longing for a relationship. When we have such a deep disappointment, sometimes we need to move to closure – to say, I’ll never be a mother. But you have so much maternal love to give, leave at least a little crack in the door. I believe God gave you that longing, and he has planned a way for you to fulfill it. It may not be with your own biological children ( or who knows?), but love never exists in a vacuum.
Thank you Jillian, it’s been a long journey and a short one. So much has changed. 🙂
One of the biggest keys to finding love IS truly loving yourself. Seems to me this post is a giant step towards that goal. It’s beaUtiful, my dear. BEauTiful!