As a child, one looks to adult life as simple.  You have a job, you make money, you make decisions.  Then when you get to be an adult, you do have a job, you do make money, you do make decisions.

However, these decisions are not what you thought.  I am a tax preparer for 4 months, enjoy it for 3 months.  Is that I am a creative person that make me resent the 9 to 5 of life, or is that I can see, feel even taste the bland meaninglessness of it.  Even at just 7 years old, I remember thinking that there was a way to duck the system, to avoid the classic 9 to 5 and the dull standard repetition of a job.

Yet, money pays bills, it puts food on the table, it keeps your family from looking at you with contempt.  And jobs provide money. 

So your decisions wind up based on a cost value.  I.e. I don’t have a job, I don’t eat.  A sick day means a day w/o pay.  Buying this toy means I don’t have A/C (in July in Texas).  Even time is based on cost value, unfortunately I play Mobsters, yet this is time taken away from website design and writing.

Yet, it’s not as if I know website design.  It is in fact this very flaw that prevents me from creating the “wonderfully fantastic” membership website that I so want to create.  It is that very flaw that keeps me stalled about trying to create a great many things, for I only understand the basic concept of HTML.

My only hope is that in one week, when I go to San Antonio to the Unseminar5 that I learn more or get in touch with people who can do my weaknesses.  For while I could in fact learn HTML, my attempts have gotten me so bogged down on details that I forget my original goal and get focused on non-essentials.